Cryptonews

According to Pantera’s brain trust, the genius behind this move is that DATs can grow their net asset value per share by generating yield, which is just a fancy way of saying they’ll hoard more crypto over time. Apparently, this is better than simply buying tokens outright or through an ETF. Because, you know, why do things the easy way when you can make it complicated? 🤷‍♂️

From a technical perspective, this repeated rejection is akin to a child trying to reach the cookie jar on the top shelf-frustratingly close yet utterly out of reach. The psychological barrier of $120,000 looms large, a fortress that seems impervious to the bullish knights. If Bitcoin doesn’t muster the courage to decisively conquer this citadel, it risks stalling like a car out of gas on a lonely road. 🚗💨

In an announcement that must have startled some distinguished pigeons in the park, ALT5 Sigma Corp. declared a rather ambitious capital raise through a mechanism that is both registered and stealthily private, akin to a secretive council meeting about the best way to bake bread. The objective? To construct a digital asset treasury strategy, with a strong focus on World Liberty Financial’s beloved WLFI token, which one might say is like the child nobody pays attention to at the family reunion.

July’s US CPI is hanging tight at 2.7% year-over-year-totally chilling and giving a hefty boost to Fed rate cut bets. Yes, you heard that right, it’s up to a delightful 93.9% for September!

This insane momentum has TRX laughing all the way to the top of CoinMarketCap’s gainer list, thanks to a massive network performance boost and the sudden realization that maybe, just maybe, TRON isn’t just a plot point in a sci-fi movie.

You measure all this by unique wallet addresses-the lifeblood of this crypto landscape, more lively than a honky-tonk on payday and just as unpredictable. Some networks can’t hold their water, while others stumble into success like a town drunk finding a gold nugget in his shoe. Eyes widen, fingers click, coins move. Interest swells so fast it’d make a banker blush (if such a feat were possible).

Hyperliquid’s daily ritual of $4 million in buybacks is not mere financial alchemy-it is a manifesto. This is a protocol that worships at the altar of reinvestment, its priests clad in code, their offerings to the ecosystem as relentless as the NKVD’s pursuit of dissent. For the faithful, these figures are not numbers but omens: a token’s value, they insist, is a mirror of its people’s resolve. Or perhaps just a very aggressive algorithm.

A certain Coffeinated User, no doubt sipping from the chalice of hyperbole, painted a scene straight out of a Bulgakov novel: “Qubic, the grand manipulator, has seized 51% of Monero’s soul! They shall orphan blocks like a censorious bureaucrat, leaving miners in the dust.” This prophet of doom also claimed Qubic’s miners are bathing in profits, splitting the spoils and burning QUBIC tokens like a pyre of vanity. “Three times more profitable than mining Monero directly! Half to the miners, half to the flames!” 🔥💰

XRP, charmingly cast as the “banker’s crypto,” has been shuffling money across borders with the finesse of a spy in a film noir-slick, quiet, and deadly effective. Recently, even Malaysia’s central bankers flirted, listing XRP alongside Bitcoin as a potential cash replacement-a not-so-subtle wink at the big players. The coming days hang heavily on the clarity of U.S. regulation; a spot XRP ETF might just be the pièce de résistance in turning it into a household name.

So, here we are. The U.S. Department of Labor Statistics released its July Consumer Price Index (CPI), and let’s just say it’s about as clear as mud. 🌧️ Overall inflation? Meh, lower than expected at 2.7%. But wait! Core inflation-because apparently, food and energy don’t count in “core” anything-shot up to 3.1%, the highest since dinosaurs roamed the Earth (or at least since 2023). Bitcoin, in true existential crisis mode, decided to sit this one out, hovering stubbornly around $119K after a brief flirtation with $122K over the weekend. Ah, romance.