🎄Congress Can’t Even Agree on Crypto by Christmas! đŸ˜©

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The grandly anticipated crypto market structure bill, a masterclass in bureaucratic foot-dragging, has once again demonstrated why Washington’s most reliable holiday tradition is the art of the post-holiday delay.

A bipartisan group of pro-crypto senators, united in their love for blockchain and divided on everything else, now agree that the markup-initially scheduled before Santa’s arrival-will likely be postponed until the New Year, when the only thing thawing will be the Senate’s collective sense of urgency.

Negotiations: A Bipartisan Ballet of Pettiness

According to the indefatigable Eleanor Terret of Crypto In America, a recent closed-door meeting revealed that advancing the bill before December 25th is as plausible as a snowman winning an election.

The principal obstacle? Republicans and Democrats, locked in a stalemate over issues so trivial they might as well be arguing over the correct number of decimal places in a tax code.

A leaked three-page compromise proposal from Senate Banking Republicans to Democrats offered a glimpse into the madness: front-end sanctions compliance for DeFi platforms (to satisfy the left) in exchange for protections for software developers and self-custody (to appease the right). A Christmas miracle, one might say, if “miracle” meant “something that never happens.”

Democrats, ever the optimists, secured two major concessions: Democratic commissioners must now oversee crypto agencies (a bureaucratic nod to accountability) and a ban on government officials profiting from digital assets (unless, of course, they’re clever enough to exploit loopholes).

Exhaustion, Not Progress

As negotiations drag on, the weary staff of the Senate Banking Committee are reportedly feeling “exhausted”-a sentiment shared by anyone who has ever waited for Congress to act. Senator Bernie Moreno, at the BA Policy Summit, described the process as “decently frustrating,” a diplomatic understatement if ever there was one.

Senator Cynthia Lummis, crypto’s most ardent cheerleader and a woman who could sell ice to a penguin, insists the bill will be drafted by week’s end. But given the current pace, even a draft might require a sabbatical.

Senate Banking Chair Tim Scott, ever the realist, could still force a markup next week-but bipartisanship remains elusive. Delaying until January might be wise, as it would allow lawmakers to return from break with renewed vigor (i.e., caffeine IV drips and a fresh batch of excuses).

The Senate Agriculture Committee, which released an incomplete draft last month, may also hold its markup next week-or perhaps next year, depending on how many “difficult issues” emerge. Chairman John Boozman, when asked, suggested a postponement, citing “several difficult issues.” Translation: “We don’t know what we’re doing.”

A committee spokeswoman later confirmed a markup would happen “soon,” a word that in Washington means “when the stars align and the budget gods smile upon us.”

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2025-12-11 14:35