🐑 Trump’s $93M Memecoin Heist: Comedy or Cash Grab?

The Devil’s Ledger

A most curious affair—$938 million in TRUMP tokens materialized like manna from political heaven, birthing $93 million for certain… affiliated parties. The market yawned. Justin Sun clapped. And somewhere in Mar-a-Lago, a golden toilet chuckled.

Tell me, dear reader, when has a former president’s accidental cryptocurrency fortune not been amusing? 🃏

Behold—the Official Trump [TRUMP] memecoin (because nothing says “serious financial instrument” like a cartoonish effigy of a billionaire), which graciously unlocked $938 million worth of digital confetti. Naturally, entities with Trump’s fingerprints snatched nearly $93 million of it. The coins? Still there. The irony? Overflowing.

The Price That Refused to Panic

Ah, but markets—those fickle beasts—merely shrugged. The TRUMP token briefly rallied to $10.24 (a number suspiciously close to the average MAGA hat’s retail price) before settling at $10.11. The chart resembled less a bull run and more the EKG of a man who’s just heard his taxes are being audited. Again.

The RSI loitered at 61 (moderately healthy, like a fast-food salad), while the MACD wheezed out a pitiful bullish whisper. Investors? Less excited than a CNN anchor at a Trump rally. But hey—paper wealth! The modern alchemy where numbers in a database replace actual gold.

The Usual Suspects

And who, pray tell, holds these glittering digital scraps? Why, CIC Digital—a name so bland it could only belong to something politically adjacent—controls 76% of the supply across four majestic wallets. Following the unlock, their second-biggest wallet (CIC Digital 2, because creativity is overrated) gulped down another 4.5% of the pie. Democracy in action, folks. 🍰

Trump-affiliated entities now ostensibly have $93 million at their fingertips. Will they sell? Unclear. Does it matter? Also unclear. But rest assured—whether this is a masterstroke or a meme, the man’s knack for turning chaos into commas remains undefeated.

The Unasked Question

So, is Trump richer? On paper, certainly. In reality? Well, let’s just say if crypto fortunes were solid, we’d all be driving Lamborghinis made of Bitcoin. But foreign money (hello, mysterious Chinese firm 👀) and Justin Sun’s $100 million pledge keep the farce afloat. Because nothing screams “financial stability” like a billionaire’s memecoin backed by… checks notes… more billionaires.

And thus, the circus rolls on. Will Trump sell? Doesn’t matter. The coins exist. The headlines write themselves. And somewhere in the ether, a confused pigeon pecks at a MAGA hat, wondering if it, too, can launch a token. 🐦

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2025-07-19 13:14