🤑 Vietnam’s Biometric Blunder: 86M Accounts Axed! Bitcoin to the Rescue? 🦄

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Ah, the folly of mortals! Behold, the Bitcoin zealots, leaping and bounding with glee, as the news from Vietnam doth reach their ears! Lo and behold, 86 million bank accounts, like so many autumn leaves, have been swept away by the winds of biometric tyranny! 😱

The scribes of Vietnam+, and other purveyors of local gossip, did proclaim in July’s sultry heat that this great culling began on the first of September. The remaining 113 million accounts, like sheep to the shearer, were verified under the new laws of biometric whimsy, all to thwart the specter of fraud and the laundering of coin. 🕵️♂️

One poor soul, a Reddit bard named “Yukzor,” formerly a foreign mercenary in Vietnam’s economic wars, found himself in a pickle most sour. The new decree demanded his presence in the land, lest his HSBC treasure be lost to the void. “A madness, is it not?” he cried, “to fly across the seas in 2025, merely to appease the biometric gods? And yet, they threaten to seal my vault this very month if I do not comply!” 😤✈️

‘Tis Why We Bitcoin, Say the Wise

The Bitcoin apostles, ever vigilant, proclaim the virtues of self-sovereignty. “Thy coin, thy rule,” they chant, free from the meddling hands of kings and bankers. “By the 30th of September, if the masses do not bow to the biometric altar, their gold shall vanish into the ether,” quoth Marty Bent, the crypto soothsayer. Whether the funds shall be lost forever, CryptoMoon could not divine. 🧙♂️💰

Yet, this tale is not unique to Vietnam’s shores. In Lebanon, Turkey, Venezuela, and beyond, the same tragic farce hath played out. “To think Vietnam shall be the last,” Bent mused, “is but folly of the highest order.” 🌍🤡

The Bitcoin environmentalist, Daniel Batten, doth warn of the central bank’s “next-gen financial surveillance,” a net cast wide to ensnare the unsuspecting. “Permissionless protocols,” he declares, “are the shield against such overreach!” 🛡️🔍

“With Bitcoin as thy bank,” Bent proclaims, “thou shalt never fear the whims of kings or the demands of biometric tyrants. A power most divine, yet the world slumbers, unaware.” 💤🚀

“A truth so plain, yet so oft ignored.”

Biometrics: The Fraud-Fighting Farce

Vietnam, in its wisdom (or lack thereof), hath enacted these measures in response to the rise of generative AI and the dark arts of spoofing. In May, the constables did uncover a ring of miscreants using false facial scans to launder a trillion dong (a sum most princely, $39 million in foreign coin). 🕵️♂️🤖

To comply, the common folk must submit to the biometric ritual: a facial scan for their first transaction, and again for any transfer exceeding 10 million dong ($379). So sayeth the State Bank of Vietnam in late June. 🧑💻

Yet, a crypto sage in Vietnam doth whisper that the outcry is but a tempest in a teapot. “The locals,” they say, “are scarcely touched. ’Tis the foreign souls, with their dormant accounts, who bear the brunt.” 🌪️🤷♂️

Herbert Sim, the “Bitcoin Man,” currently wandering Vietnam’s lands, doth concur. “The hurdles are great,” he laments, “for those who have departed, or whose accounts lie forgotten. The One-Time Password, the phone bindings, the in-person verifications-’tis a labyrinth most vexing.” 🧭🤦♂️

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2025-09-19 08:51