🤑 XUSD Plunges 70% After $93M Vanishes in DeFi Drama! 🕳️

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Well, butter my biscuit and call me a stablecoin skeptic! Stream Finance’s beloved XUSD decided to take a nosedive on Tuesday, plummeting like a wizard who’s forgotten his broomstick. Down it went, by more than 60%, after some clever clogs at an external fund manager managed to misplace a cool $93 million. 🧙‍♂️💨

The DeFi world, already as stable as a one-legged troll on a tightrope, was sent into a tailspin. XUSD hit a new all-time low of $0.30, according to the ever-watchful CoinGecko. That’s right, folks-it’s cheaper than a pint of dwarfish ale at the Mended Drum! 🍺

Stream Finance Slams the Brakes on Withdrawals 🚫💸

In a move that surprised absolutely no one, the Stream Finance team announced they were freezing withdrawals faster than a witch’s curse. “We’ve lost $93 million,” they tweeted, “but don’t worry, we’ve hired some fancy lawyers to figure out where it went. Probably down the back of the blockchain sofa.” 🛋️

“Yesterday, an external fund manager overseeing Stream funds disclosed the loss of approximately $93 million in Stream fund assets,” wrote the company, presumably while clutching their ledgers in horror.

They’ve also started pulling out their remaining liquid assets, which is the financial equivalent of a wizard shouting, “Retreat! Retreat!” while his tower burns. 🔥

“Until we can figure out what went wrong, no one’s getting their hands on our gold-er, crypto,” the project stated, adding that hiring Perkins Coie LLP was their way of saying, “We’re serious about transparency, even if our funds aren’t.”

Blockchain security firm PeckShield, ever the party pooper, was the first to raise the alarm, noting that XUSD had dropped 23% before spiraling down to 58% within an hour. At the time of writing, it was trading at $0.48, a 62% drop in 24 hours. That’s worse than a failed summoning spell! 🧙‍♂️✨

Its market cap now sits at a paltry $95.6 million, with a trading volume of $1.59 million. The stablecoin’s 7-day and 30-day performances are as grim as a vampire’s tax return, showing a consistent 62% downturn. One of the steepest depegs of 2025? You bet your last Ankh-Morpork dollar! 💰

DeFi: Still as Fragile as a Glass Golem 🧊

This fiasco comes hot on the heels of Balancer V2’s $128 million exploit, which left the DeFi world reeling like a drunk bard after a night at the pub. Several Balancer forks were also hit, though StakeWise DAO managed to recover 73.5% of its funds, returning $20 million to users. A small victory in a sea of chaos! ⚔️

These shenanigans highlight a recurring theme in DeFi: it’s about as secure as a chest of gold in a room full of thieves. PeckShield reports that September alone saw over 20 major exploits, with $127 million lost. That’s down 22% from August, but 2025’s total losses are still over $3 billion. Ouch. 😬

Take Bunni decentralized exchange, for example. After an $8.4 million hack, they shut down faster than a troll in a library. Users can still withdraw assets, but the team’s treasury is as empty as a vampire’s promise. 🧛‍♂️

So, what’s the moral of this tale? DeFi is a wild ride, full of magic, mayhem, and the occasional disappearing act. Just remember: if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. And always keep a spare broomstick handy. 🧹✨

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2025-11-04 10:59