Ah, the theater of the absurd! Monero (XMR), that elusive shadow in the cryptoverse, finds itself ensnared in a farce worthy of the Master and Margarita. Behold, the Qubic mining pool, a troupe of audacious jesters, has allegedly staged a 51% coup d’état. Bitcoin’s own Peter Todd, ever the sage, quipped: “Interesting. Monero just had a big reorg too, I assume related to this attack.” When probed on Qubic’s dominance, he shrugged, “PoW is probabilistic,” leaving us all in a fog of uncertainty, like a cat trying to grasp its own tail. 🐱✨
Monero Under the Boot of Qubic’s Carnival
A certain Coffeinated User, no doubt sipping from the chalice of hyperbole, painted a scene straight out of a Bulgakov novel: “Qubic, the grand manipulator, has seized 51% of Monero’s soul! They shall orphan blocks like a censorious bureaucrat, leaving miners in the dust.” This prophet of doom also claimed Qubic’s miners are bathing in profits, splitting the spoils and burning QUBIC tokens like a pyre of vanity. “Three times more profitable than mining Monero directly! Half to the miners, half to the flames!” 🔥💰
The numbers, oh the numbers! “432 Monero mined daily, a princely sum of $118,342.08! Half burned, half distributed, a weekly bonfire of $414,197.28!” This madcap scheme, they say, will see a $300 million jester crown itself king of a $6 billion realm. Insanity? Or genius? Perhaps both, like a cat walking on a tightrope. 🃏🐈
From the Monero camp, @monerobull bellowed like a general rallying troops: “To arms! Gupax.io awaits! Qubic’s reign is fleeting, for their halving looms in 20 days!” Ledger’s Charles Guillemet, ever the grim chronicler, declared: “Monero is under siege. Qubic, the usurper, wields the power to rewrite history, double-spend, and censor at will.” He estimated the cost of this folly at $75 million daily, a sum that would make even Azazello blush. “Honest miners are but pawns, their blocks orphaned like unwanted children.” 😢⚰️
Qubic’s own “Come-from-Beyond” (Sergey Ivancheglo) crowed with the air of a victorious Behemoth: “We have achieved 51%! Monero, prepare for your reckoning. And to those who accused us of colluding with three-letter agencies-what say you now? Have we not strengthened Monero for its future battles?” A hero or a villain? The line blurs like a shadow in the moonlight. 🌕🤹♂️
As the cryptosphere holds its breath, Todd’s words echo: “PoW is probabilistic.” Yet the chorus of claims paints a vivid tableau: Monero, cornered, its community scrambling like cats in a sack. At press time, XMR trades at $252, a mere 13% dip. But oh, what a spectacle! Will Monero rise like a phoenix, or will Qubic’s carnival reign supreme? Only time, that fickle mistress, will tell. ⏳🎪
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2025-08-13 00:23