🤯 Microsoft & Bitcoin: An Odd Couple?

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Right then. So, it seems IREN – a company that, until recently, was mostly concerned with shifting digital bits in exchange for other digital bits (aka, Bitcoin) – has managed to convince Microsoft to part with a frankly astonishing sum of money. Nine point seven billion dollars, to be precise. For, and this is where it gets interesting, GPUs. Graphics Processing Units. Fancy bits of silicon that are now apparently good for things besides making goblins look less blocky. 👾

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Canaccord Genuity, a firm whose job it is to look at numbers and then offer opinions (often, one suspects, based on a complex system involving tea leaves and the alignment of planetary bodies), has declared this a “turning point.” A turning point! As if IREN were a particularly stubborn ox refusing to turn. They’ve also decided the shares are now worth $70, rather than the slightly less impressive $42 they thought previously. Inflation, you see. It affects everything. Even Bitcoin miners attempting a career change.

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The share price, however, seemed unimpressed. It dipped a bit on Friday, presumably because the market smelled a rat. Or possibly because everyone was too busy pondering the existential dread of late-stage capitalism. The closing price was an uninspiring $62.38. Honestly, you’d think with nearly ten billion dollars coming their way, they could afford a bit of positive PR.

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Now, Microsoft is handing over a 20% prepayment, which is a bit like giving a toddler a credit card. Encourages bad habits, probably. Analysts – led by a Mr. Vafi, who sounds like a character from a particularly dry novel – are rather excited about the “levered internal rate of return.” Sounds…profitable. They also suggest this might distract people from the fact that IREN used to be, well, just a Bitcoin miner. A bit like trying to hide a dragon under a rug.

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IREN plans to use Nvidia\’s GB300 GPUs (which, let’s be honest, sound like a robot designed by a committee) in its Texas data centers. Apparently, this will pay for about half of a three billion dollar buildout. Which is a lot of data centers. And a lot of electricity. One hopes they’ve remembered to pay the electricity bill. 💡 Chip and power supply issues remain, of course, because nothing is ever truly simple. But Microsoft\’s money is meant to help with all that.

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And then there\’s Sweetwater 1. A name that conjures images of lemonade and sunshine, but is in fact a two-gigawatt data center due online in 2026. Apparently, these things are important when “hyperscalers” (whatever they are) are feeling a bit short on power. Canaccord reckons Sweetwater 1 is worth $32 a share. Which is…quite a lot for some land and a few servers.

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Finally, IREN recently made $240.3 million. Which, whilst sounding like a very precise inventory of someone’s belongings, is actually a 355% increase year-on-year. The analysts at Canaccord are impressed by IREN’s scale, low-cost power, and ability to straddle both the crypto and AI worlds. An impressive feat, really. Almost…suspiciously impressive. 🤔

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Markets

Right then. So, it seems IREN – a company that, until recently, was mostly concerned with shifting digital bits in exchange for other digital bits (aka, Bitcoin) – has managed to convince Microsoft to part with a frankly astonishing sum of money. Nine point seven billion dollars, to be precise. For, and this is where it gets interesting, GPUs. Graphics Processing Units. Fancy bits of silicon that are now apparently good for things besides making goblins look less blocky. 👾

Canaccord Genuity, a firm whose job it is to look at numbers and then offer opinions (often, one suspects, based on a complex system involving tea leaves and the alignment of planetary bodies), has declared this a “turning point.” A turning point! As if IREN were a particularly stubborn ox refusing to turn. They’ve also decided the shares are now worth $70, rather than the slightly less impressive $42 they thought previously. Inflation, you see. It affects everything. Even Bitcoin miners attempting a career change.

The share price, however, seemed unimpressed. It dipped a bit on Friday, presumably because the market smelled a rat. Or possibly because everyone was too busy pondering the existential dread of late-stage capitalism. The closing price was an uninspiring $62.38. Honestly, you’d think with nearly ten billion dollars coming their way, they could afford a bit of positive PR.

Now, Microsoft is handing over a 20% prepayment, which is a bit like giving a toddler a credit card. Encourages bad habits, probably. Analysts – led by a Mr. Vafi, who sounds like a character from a particularly dry novel – are rather excited about the “levered internal rate of return.” Sounds…profitable. They also suggest this might distract people from the fact that IREN used to be, well, just a Bitcoin miner. A bit like trying to hide a dragon under a rug.

IREN plans to use Nvidia’s GB300 GPUs (which, let’s be honest, sound like a robot designed by a committee) in its Texas data centers. Apparently, this will pay for about half of a three billion dollar buildout. Which is a lot of data centers. And a lot of electricity. One hopes they’ve remembered to pay the electricity bill. 💡 Chip and power supply issues remain, of course, because nothing is ever truly simple. But Microsoft’s money is meant to help with all that.

And then there’s Sweetwater 1. A name that conjures images of lemonade and sunshine, but is in fact a two-gigawatt data center due online in 2026. Apparently, these things are important when “hyperscalers” (whatever they are) are feeling a bit short on power. Canaccord reckons Sweetwater 1 is worth $32 a share. Which is…quite a lot for some land and a few servers.

Finally, IREN recently made $240.3 million. Which, whilst sounding like a very precise inventory of someone’s belongings, is actually a 355% increase year-on-year. The analysts at Canaccord are impressed by IREN’s scale, low-cost power, and ability to straddle both the crypto and AI worlds. An impressive feat, really. Almost…suspiciously impressive. 🤔

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2025-11-10 12:28