🤑 Crypto Soars as Fed’s Heart Melts Like Raskolnikov’s Morals 🤑

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Ah, the dance of numbers, the waltz of greed and hope! On a Tuesday, when the sun mocked the toiling masses, Bitcoin and Ethereum ascended like the fevered dreams of a man condemned to the gallows. The U.S. inflation figures, softer than a saint’s apology, whispered promises of rate cuts, and the markets, ever the gullible chorus, sang in unison. The Consumer Price Index, that fickle mistress, rose a mere 2.7% in July-a hair less than the soothsayers predicted. And lo, the risk markets rejoiced, their optimism as fleeting as a sinner’s repentance.

Bitcoin, that digital chimera, strutted at $119,156, while Ethereum, its lesser sibling, preened at $4,422.58. Yet, beneath the surface, the core CPI, that stubborn specter, climbed 3.1% year-over-year, a reminder that inflation, like guilt, lingers in the shadows. The monthly rise of 0.3%, its largest since January, hinted at a fire still smoldering beneath the ashes. Ah, the irony! Even as the Fed divides like a family at a funeral, two governors clamoring for a rate cut, the first such schism since 1993, the markets cling to hope like a drowning man to a splinter of wood.

The Fed’s Tragic Farce

Last week, the Federal Reserve, that august body of contradictions, met in discord. Two governors, their voices trembling with urgency, pleaded for an immediate rate cut, while the rest, wary of Trump’s tariffs and their infernal flames, held firm. Five meetings, five stalemates, and still the tariffs loom like a specter, ready to reignite the inflationary blaze. And the labor data! A jobs report weaker than a drunkard’s resolve, revealing 258,000 fewer jobs than boasted. Yet, after Tuesday’s inflation report, traders, ever the optimists, assigned an 82.5% chance of a September rate cut-a slight dip from Monday’s 86%, but hope, like a fool, persists.

Tariffs: The Sword of Damocles

Russell Price, that sage of Ameriprise Financial, declared the report “good,” his tone as measured as a priest’s sermon. Shelter prices, he noted, began their descent in July, a glimmer of hope in the near-term outlook. Yet, the economists, those harbingers of doom, warn of tariff effects lurking in the fall, as companies exhaust their stockpiles. Scott Lincicome, from the Cato Institute, pointed to rising effective tariff rates and shrinking inventories-a storm brewing on the horizon. Ah, the folly of man! Bitcoin and Ethereum, those bastions of speculation, thrive on cooling inflation, yet core inflation and tariffs threaten to shatter their fragile confidence. The Fed’s decision, like a pendulum, swings between hope and despair, its trajectory as uncertain as the soul of a man on the precipice of sin.

And so, we watch, we wait, we gamble. The markets, those grand theaters of human folly, continue their dance, blind to the abyss that yawns beneath. đŸŒĒī¸đŸ’¸

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2025-08-12 19:56