Once upon a suspiciously golden morning, American Bitcoin-the cryptic mining company with the Trump family lurking somewhere ominous in the shadows-decided to splurge on a mind-boggling number of shiny, clicky, whirring machines. Brace yourself: it’s not one, not two, but 17,280 application-specific integrated circuits (ASICs)! Or as your grandma might call them, “those bleeping digital doodads.” 🍟🤖 Money clearly grows on strange trees in their backyard.
The actual order: 16,299 Antminer U3S21EXPH units. This magical herd can crunch away at 14.02 exahashes per second! If you can’t picture an exahash: imagine a trillion bananas, all counting Bitcoin instead of potassium. Naturally, the grand bill came to a plump $314 million. You could buy a ridiculous number of chocolate factories for that, but-alas-Bitmain prefers ASICs. TheMinerMag reported this with a straight face, presumably while eating stale biscuits.
Now, just when you thought the fun was over, the deal had to tiptoe around Trump’s trade tariffs-those lovely surprise taxes slapped onto Chinese doodads. But don’t worry! The contract conveniently dodges future price hikes. The MPs of Bitmain breathed a sigh of relief, and immediately announced plans to open their own ASIC factory on US soil. It’s expected by the end of the year-assuming the builders don’t wander off to watch baseball. There’s also a debate raging about whether the new headquarters should bless Florida’s humidity or Texas’s love of big hats. 🏜️🕵️
Meanwhile, miners and hardware makers everywhere are frantically recalculating their odds, like nervous Roald Dahl characters awaiting the wrath of a giant peach. Tariffs have scrambled the supply chain so much, even chocolate rivers would turn sour.
Mining industry responds to trade tariffs and economic uncertainty
The mighty tariff tornado is now forcing hardware manufacturers to pack up their soldering irons and contemplate a journey to America’s wild west, all in the hope of dodging those relentless import taxes. Giddy-up, MicroBT and Canaan! Of course, Bitmain’s got the lion’s share with some 82% of global mining devices. Cambridge published this in a study-and if Cambridge said so, then it must be absolutely, positively true. 📚🎩
The Trump administration’s master plan is to drag manufacturing back onto American soil, but feedback has been as mixed as a chocolate bar in a centrifuge. Critics predict these tariffs will inflate costs faster than a timid child blowing up his first balloon. Jaran Mellerud, who heads BTC mining company Hashlabs, reckons the price hikes might scare away US miners entirely-not with zombies, but with wallet woes. And the ASIC factories? They’ll be left with heaps of machines gathering dust. Time for an international yard sale!
If this happens, mining will flood back abroad, and US miners will be left staring at their empty warehouses and broken dreams-while everyone else laughs all the way to the digital bank. In other words: the grand reshoring plan might become a grand boomerang. Oh, irony! 🍿🎭
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2025-08-15 01:24