Coinbase, ever the beacon of fiscal responsibility, confirmed on X (formerly known as “The Bird App That Elon Ruined”) that trading for Useless Coin (USELESS) is now live. Because nothing says “financial wisdom” like betting your life savings on a coin that openly admits it’s useless. 🎰
The token’s inclusion on the listing roadmap-a “transparency” gimmick since 2022-sparked the usual crypto frenzy. You know, the one where people throw money at screens like they’re feeding quarters into a broken slot machine. 🎰💸
The results? A 96% surge! USELESS shot up from $0.188 (its “I-just-woke-up-like-this” low) to $0.369 (its “I-just-woke-up-and-found-out-I’m-a-millionaire” high). It later settled to $0.276, which is still roughly 100x more than this sentence deserves. 🚀
Now, USELESS boasts a $276 million market cap. That’s enough to buy a small island or, more realistically, enough RAM to run this website without crashing. 🏝️💻 Its creators, bless their hearts, lean into the bit: “Yep, we’re useless! Come join the circus!” And join they did-32,000 wallets strong, because nothing bonds people like mutual delusion. 🤹♂️🎪
Disclaimer: This article is not financial advice. We’re not your financial advisor, and if you invest in USELESS, please stop reading news and go outside. 🌳 Also, consult a licensed professional before doing anything stupider than this coin’s name suggests. 🧠🚫
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2025-08-21 23:39