Markets
- So, this “Figure Technologies” wants to be worth… four *billion*? As if money grows on blockchain trees. 🙄
- They’re hoping to grab a cool half a billion from you hardworking folks. For “shares,” naturally.
- Sixteen billion in home equity lines, they boast. Must be nice. Provenance blockchain, they call it. Sounds… fancy.
Ah, Mike Cagney, the fellow who helped build SoFi. Now he’s back, building…more things with other people’s money! Figure Technologies, his latest creation, apparently believes it’s worth a staggering $4.13 billion. The SEC filings say so. Who are we to argue with official paperwork crafted by expensive lawyers? 🤷♀️
They’re angling for $526 million, joining the ever-growing line of crypto-adjacent companies daring to sniff around the public market. Investor “appetite” is returning, they say. More like investors are easily led astray, I reckon. But who am I to judge? It’s a free country… to lose money in!
You’ll find these “shares” – should you be foolish enough to want them – trading on Nasdaq under the very inspiring ticker symbol, FIGR. Goldman Sachs, Jefferies, and BofA Securities are there to grease the wheels – and take their cut, naturally. A tidy sum for shuffling papers, I assure you. 💰
They call themselves players in the “real-world asset” game. Sixteen billion worth of home equity lines, all thanks to their “Provenance blockchain.” Sounds grand, doesn’t it? They’ve even merged with Figure Markets, another one of Cagney’s ventures that dabbles in “yield-bearing stablecoins”…which, let’s be honest, sounds like a fancy way to say “digital IOUs.”
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2025-09-03 07:51