Crypto Chaos: ETH, XRP & Co. Playing Dead 🎭📉

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On this dreary Friday, like bored spectators at a provincial theater, we observe Ethereum, Ripple, Cardano, Binance Coin, and Hyperliquid-each performing their monotonous soliloquies of stagnation.

Ethereum (ETH)

Ethereum, that sluggish aristocrat of crypto, barely twitched this week-up a pitiful 1%. Volume dwindles like the enthusiasm of a man forced to listen to his aunt’s knitting anecdotes. Resistance looms at $5,000, while $4,000 plays the role of reluctant floor. Since August, ETH has lingered in this purgatory, as if waiting for Godot-or perhaps just another Elon tweet.


Ripple (XRP)

XRP, the tragic hero of descending triangles, clings to its $2.7 lifeline like a drunk to a lamppost. A 1% weekly loss? Hardly worth a raised eyebrow. The market hesitates, as if choosing between tea or vodka-both equally ineffective against existential dread.


Cardano (ADA)

Cardano, the philosopher-coin, ponders its $0.78 “support” with the gravitas of a man debating whether to wear mismatched socks. A 1% gain? How thrilling. Volume evaporates faster than a puddle in July. The $0.90 resistance stands like a stern schoolmarm-unimpressed.


Binance Coin (BNB)

BNB, the dutiful clerk of crypto, files its weekly report: “No changes, sir.” The $830 support? Still there. The $900 resistance? Still smug. ATH ambitions? As realistic as a peasant’s dreams of owning a samovar. But who knows-perhaps by 2025, it’ll scrape $1,000 between yawns.


Hype (HYPE)

HYPE, the village fool, jingles its 5% weekly gain like a jester’s bells. The $50 resistance? Rejected thrice-like a bad marriage proposal. The $44 support? Barely holding, like a drunk’s grip on sobriety. Mid-September approaches-will it break up or down? Even the chart shrugs.


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2025-09-05 13:16