S&P 500’s Dramatic Makeover: Robinhood In, Bitcoin’s Excluded 💔

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Behold, the S&P 500, that great financial puppeteer, has plucked AppLovin, Robinhood, and Emcor Group from the dusty shelves of obscurity to join its hallowed ranks. But alas, MicroStrategy ($MSTR), with its glittering hoard of Bitcoin, was left weeping in the corner like a child denied candy. Bloomberg’s James Seyffart, our modern-day bard of indices, declared the additions with the solemnity of a funeral march. Meanwhile, Eric Balchunas, the jester of finance, quipped: “Why was MSTR excluded? The Committee said no. SPX is an active fund run by a secret cabal-check the Trillions episode!” 🎭

The quarterly rebalancing, a ritual as old as capitalism itself, saw MarketAxess, Caesars, and Enphase tossed out like yesterday’s bread crumbs. Robinhood, the stock-trading Robin Hood (pun intended), and AppLovin, that glittering app empire, now bask in the S&P’s spotlight. Yet MicroStrategy, the crypto knight, was denied entry, its Bitcoin treasure apparently too flashy for the committee’s taste. 🤷‍♂️

“Committee discretion,” Balchunas intoned, as if reciting a curse. “Eligibility is a suggestion, not a guarantee.” The S&P 500, it seems, is less a mirror of the market and more a game of Russian roulette with the economy. And the players? Us poor souls, betting our life savings on whether the committee’s in a good mood. 💸

So here we are, September 22, when the curtain rises on this financial masquerade. AppLovin, Robinhood, and Emcor will take their bows, while MicroStrategy sulks in the wings. The S&P 500, ever the enigma, reminds us that in the land of Wall Street, even the rules are just suggestions. 🎭

S&P 500’s Dramatic Makeover: Robinhood In, Bitcoin’s Excluded 💔

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2025-09-06 11:33