Gemini’s IPO: $433M and a Dream of $3B!

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Crypto exchange Gemini has upped its initial public offering like a wizard casting a spell to make money appear from thin air. 🧙‍♂️💸 Now aiming for a valuation that could fund a small country’s space program, it’s clear investors are more interested in crypto than in actual reality. 🌍🚀

The updated prospectus, filed with the SEC on Tuesday, reveals that the Winklevoss twins (yes, the ones who once tried to sue Mark Zuckerberg) have raised their stock price range to $24-$26. Because nothing says “trust us” like a 40% increase in a market where even a potato might be a better investment. 🥔📉

Gemini’s IPO now seeks to raise $433 million-up from $317 million. Because why settle for a modest fortune when you can dream in billion-dollar increments? 🧠💰 The exchange will sell 16.67 million shares, same as before. Because consistency is key… unless you’re a crypto startup, in which case, why not just reinvent the wheel? 🛠️

This upsized IPO comes amid a frenzy of crypto companies going public, as Wall Street chases the “friendlier tone” of the Trump administration. Because nothing says “economic stability” like a president who once called Bitcoin a “scam” but now wants to monetize it. 🤝💸

Nasdaq backs Gemini IPO

Nasdaq, the market that’s clearly seen the future, has bought 2.11 million shares in a $50 million private placement. Because nothing says “trust me” like a $50 million investment in a company that lost $282 million in six months. 📉💼

Gemini’s revenue dropped like a lead balloon, while losses soared like a hot-air balloon with a leak. But hey, at least their trading volume increased by 50%-because nothing says “success” like a 50% jump in activity, even if it’s just moving money around. 📈🌀

Investors are “seemingly taking a strong interest” in crypto-related companies. Or, as we like to call it, “throwing money at a black hole and hoping it turns into a supernova.” 🌌💣

Increasing interest in crypto-related companies

Circle debuted on the NYSE with a gain of 167%-but then crashed like a meteorite. The stock briefly touched $298… but ended at $118.10. Because nothing says “sustainable growth” like a 167% spike followed by a 58% crash. 🚀💥

Bullish’s shares jumped 218% on its listing day. Because what could possibly go wrong with a company that’s both a crypto exchange and a media outlet? 📰📈

Earlier this year, Coinbase became the first crypto firm to enter the S&P 500. Because nothing says “legitimacy” like a stock index that’s basically a glorified casino. 🎰📉

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2025-09-10 09:28