Russia Plans a National Crypto Bank to Chase Shadows and Rubles 💰🕵️‍♂️

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So, picture this: a Russian government advisor, probably sipping very strong tea and contemplating the mysteries of the universe (or just the budget), has decided that the very best way to fill the federal coffers is to start a state-owned crypto bank. Yes, because when life gives you shadows, why not try to fish out billions of rubles lurking in the dark and make them do some government bidding?

Why Russia Wants to Copy Belarus (Again)

Yevgeny Masharov, whose title is a mouthful but basically translates to “Someone Important Who Reads Draft Laws,” suggested Russia should take a page out of Belarus’ playbook. Belarus recently got ambitious and is trying to slap together a digital assets bank and some serious regulations to match. Their president, Alexander Lukashenko, apparently isn’t shy about pushing for more digital assets in cross-border payments either – probably because who doesn’t want their money to teleport instantly across borders?

“The Russian Federation also needs to create its own crypto bank,” Masharov said, like a man solving a cosmic puzzle. The idea is simple: drag those shadowy transactions – which amount to hundreds of billions of rubles – into the light of day. Translation: Uncle Sam’s Russian cousin wants a bigger slice of the pie.

“The legalization of digital currencies has made it possible to decriminalize this segment of the financial market, while it is obvious that this replenishes taxes to the budget and, consequently, brings many types of activities out of the shadows.”

How exactly will this magic happen? Simple again: all payments in this bank should be made in cryptocurrencies, and the funds should only arrive via accounts of Russian citizens. Because when in doubt, put more rules in place!

Oh, and let’s not forget the miners – those digital gold-diggers churning away in basements and server farms. Despite the sector being legalized last year (hooray!), there’s still no official place for miners to unload their shiny virtual coins. So, a national crypto bank would basically be a cozy marketplace where they can cash in, without feeling like they’re dealing in a digital black market.

Pulling Crypto Into the Sunlight (Sort Of)

Masharov reassured everyone that launching this crypto bank would reduce fraud-because nothing says “trustworthy” quite like a government stepping into the wild west of cryptocurrencies. It would also “block one of the channels” used by fraudsters and foreign spies (because obviously, they hang out in crypto corners) to recruit unwitting citizens for serious crimes. Definitely comforting.

He also claimed that while “fraudsters and Western special services” have been busy exploiting loopholes in Russia’s crypto laws, the typical crypto exchange business model boils down to: cash goes into wallets, commissions go into pockets. If only there was a way to make all those commissions taxable… oh wait.

In a stroke of bureaucratic brilliance, Russia has adopted an experimental legal regime (ELR) to “legalize crypto assets and bring crypto operations out of the shadows.” Meaning, the government is legally trying to shine a flashlight into a very dark, very tangled cave.

Meanwhile, Russian Finance Minister Anton Siluanov unveiled a plan to establish an exclusive exchange for those with serious coin to toss around – think “highly qualified investors” with 100 million rubles lying around or an income exceeding 50 million rubles annually. Because why not exclude everyone else?

Thankfully, Finance Ministry official Alexey Yakovlev has noticed this might be a tad too exclusive. He suggested lowering those extraordinarily high thresholds to make the pilot project not look like an exclusive club that only oligarchs and mysterious billionaires can join.

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2025-09-11 12:15