Crypto’s Last Hurrah? Coinbase Says the Party’s Not Over Yet! 🎉

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Markets

Darling, what’s all the fuss? 🧐

  • Coinbase’s darling analysts insist the crypto bull market is still prancing about, even into the fourth quarter. How utterly resilient! 💃
  • September, historically a cruel mistress to Bitcoin, apparently decided to take a holiday in 2023-24. How quaint! 🍂
  • Public treasuries are hoarding $130 billion in BTC, ETH, and SOL-darling, that’s enough to make even the most stoic investor blush! But beware, smaller players might soon be left sipping their martinis alone. 🍸

Oh, the optimism! Coinbase’s darlings are simply convinced that liquidity, macro whims, and regulatory flirtations will keep this crypto soiree going. How utterly delightful! 🥂

Bitcoin, they coo, is still the belle of the ball, benefiting from macro tailwinds. David Duong and Colin Basco, those charming analysts, assure us it’s all smooth sailing-unless, of course, energy prices decide to throw a tantrum. How dramatic! ⚡

“Barring a shock to energy prices, darling, the U.S. monetary policy path is as steady as a Coward cocktail,” they quip. And let’s not forget those digital asset treasuries, providing a safety net for prices. How thoughtful! 🛡️

Seasonality, that pesky little nuisance, has investors clutching their pearls. Six Septembers of BTC declines? My dear, that’s so 2022! This year, the pattern simply refused to RSVP. How très modern! 📅

But enough about the past, darling. Coinbase insists the DAT cycle is where the real drama lies. Over 1 million BTC, 4.9 million ETH, and 8.9 million SOL are sitting pretty as of Sept. 10. Late entrants are now chasing altcoins like they’re the last canapé at a cocktail party. How gauche! 🏃♀️💨

Coinbase calls it a “player-versus-player” phase-a game where large-cap tokens reign supreme, leaving smaller players to fend for themselves. Consolidation, darling? It’s practically inevitable. 🕶️

As we sashay into the final quarter, Coinbase’s analysts remain positively giddy, expecting liquidity, macro charm, and regulatory winks to keep crypto markets afloat. Cheers to that! 🥂

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2025-09-12 00:04