Stablecoins Will Make Banks Sweat Yields! 😏

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Ah, stablecoins-those blockchain-bound clones of your tired old fiat dollars, zooming around like caffeinated hamsters on rails. According to Patrick Collison, the wizard behind Stripe, these little devils are poised to force banks and their stuffy counterparts to finally get with the program and plump up deposits with something resembling a decent return. Because, let’s face it, who wouldn’t rather earn better than 0.40% in the US or a paltry 0.25% in Europe, right? 😜

This revelation popped up in response to VC guru Nic Carter’s Twitter tirade (oh, excuse me, X post) on the triumphant rise of yield-bearing stablecoins. Collison, ever the voice of reason, quipped:

“Depositors are going to, and should, earn something closer to a market return on their capital. Some lobbies are currently pushing post-GENIUS to further restrict any kinds of rewards associated with stablecoin deposits.

And then, with a flourish, he added, ‘The business imperative here is clear – cheap deposits are great, but being so consumer-hostile feels to me like a losing position.’ Amen to that, Patrick. It’s like banks are throwing a party and forgetting to bring snacks-everyone else is doling out treats, and they’re left empty-handed. 🙄

Stablecoins have been on a tear since 2023, exploding in market cap and user love after the US passed that GENIUS bill-because nothing says ‘innovate!’ like a law that birthed a regulated industry but slapped a ban on sharing yields. Go figure. 🇺🇸

Banking Industry fights to restrict yield-bearing opportunities for stablecoins

Of course, the banking mafia didn’t take this lying down. As lawmakers debated the GENIUS stablecoin rules, banks and their hilltop friends lobbied furiously against these interest-bearing upstarts, fearing they’d siphon away the golden goose-er, deposits. According to American Banker, they whined that such innovations would spell doom for the whole system, chewing up market share like a ravenous squirrel. 🎈

Take Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, channeling her inner Voldemort: ‘Do you want a stablecoin issuer to be able to issue interest? Probably not, because if they are issuing interest, there is no reason to put your money in a local bank.’ Well, gee, senator, if banks keep offering excitement levels akin to watching paint dry, maybe that’s exactly the problem. 😂

But crypto folks? They’re cackling all the way to the crypto bank. They see stablecoins as the evolutionary leap, ready to gobble up legacy payments faster than you can say ‘fiat fiasco.’ As Reeve Collins from Tether told CryptoMoon at Token2049: ‘All currency will be a stablecoin. So even fiat currency will be a stablecoin. It’ll just be called dollars, euros, or yen.’ Oh boy, grandmas everywhere will need a tutorial on this digital jumble. What’s next, ‘cryptocurrency Sunday roast’? 🤑

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2025-10-05 01:59