Markets (or, as I call it, “The Emotional Rollercoaster Where My Savings Go to Die”)
What to Know (Before You Cry Into Your Avocado Toast):
- Ether fell 3.3% to $3,331-basically, the crypto equivalent of tripping over your own shoelaces in public.
- Whales bought 394,682 ETH worth $1.37 billion-because apparently, someone out there still has money left after rent.
- Volume spiked 145% above average, proving that panic sells faster than gossip in a group chat.
According to CoinDesk Research (aka “The People Who Actually Understand Charts While I Just Stare at Candlesticks Hoping for Divine Intervention”), ether dropped like my motivation on a Monday morning-breaking below the oh-so-important $3,400 support level. And yet, whales were buying like it was Black Friday at Harrods. 🐳💸
The decline wiped out recent gains faster than I delete regrettable texts at 3 AM. Sellers took over like an overzealous bouncer at a club, and ETH posted a “lower-high structure”-which sounds like something my therapist would diagnose me with.
But wait! On-chain data revealed whales were accumulating ETH during the dip, because nothing says “strategic investment” like buying the dip while everyone else is hyperventilating into a paper bag. 🤑
Intraday trading was more volatile than my last relationship-ETH swung $207 (6%) in a day, and peak sell pressure hit at 15:00 UTC, proving that institutional traders have no chill. Meanwhile, retail investors were probably Googling “how to short crypto without crying.”
ETH struggled to reclaim $3,350 resistance, which is basically the crypto version of failing to climb out of bed after a heavy night out. Some analysts think the whale buying could mean a reversal, but let’s be real-predicting crypto is like predicting British weather: pointless and usually wrong.
Fundamentally, daily active addresses are down 24% since mid-August (probably because everyone’s too busy doomscrolling), but Ethereum’s throughput hit a record 24,192 transactions per second-so at least the network is handling stress better than I do.
What’s next? Traders are watching $3,247 like it’s the last slice of pizza at a party. Drop to $3,200? More panic. Bounce above $3,480? Maybe, just maybe, we can all stop pretending we know what we’re doing. 🤷♀️
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2025-11-07 09:02