Trump’s $2K Tariff Dividend: Crypto’s New Nightmare? 😱💸

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Once upon a time, in a land of tariffs and tales, President Donald Trump declared that most Americans would receive a $2,000 “dividend” from the tariff revenue. He then criticized the opposition, as if they were grumpy gnomes in a candy shop. 💸

“A dividend of at least $2000 a person, not including high-income people, will be paid to everyone,” Trump cackled on Truth Social, as if he’d just discovered the secret to eternal youth. 🎩✨

The US Supreme Court, currently debating the legality of the tariffs, is being as reliable as a chocolate fountain in a hurricane. Prediction market traders, who are as trustworthy as a squirrel with a cookie, are betting against court approval. 🧠🦝

Kalshi traders place the odds of the Supreme Court approving the policy at just 23%, while Polymarket traders have the odds at 21%. Trump, ever the showman, asked: “Why can’t we slap a tariff on a foreign country, but not even a simple one? It’s like trying to eat a cake without a fork!” 🍩🤔

“The president of the United States is allowed, and fully approved by Congress, to stop all trade with a foreign country, which is far more onerous than a tariff, and license a foreign country, but is not allowed to put a simple tariff on a foreign country, even for purposes of national security?”

Investors and market analysts, who are as excited as a child on Christmas morning, celebrated the announcement as economic stimulus that will boost cryptocurrency and other asset prices. But they also warned of the long-term negative effects, like a dragon’s hoard of taxes. 🐉💸

The proposed economic stimulus will boost asset markets, but at a steep cost

Investment analysts at The Kobeissi Letter forecast that about 85% of US adults should receive the $2,000 stimulus checks, based on distribution data from the economic stimulus checks during the COVID era. It’s like a fairy tale, but with more spreadsheets. 📊✨

While a portion of the stimulus will flow into markets and raise asset prices, Kobeissi Letter warned that the ultimate long-term effect of any economic stimulus will be fiat currency inflation and the loss of purchasing power. It’s the financial equivalent of a slow-moving glacier. 🧊📉

“If you don’t put the $2,000 in assets, it is going to be inflated away or just service some interest on debt and sent to banks,” Bitcoin analyst, author, and advocate Simon Dixon said, as if he’d just discovered the secret to eternal wealth. 💰🔮

“Stocks and Bitcoin only know to go higher in response to stimulus,” investor and market analyst Anthony Pompliano said in response to Trump’s announcement, as if he’d been waiting for this moment since the dawn of time. 🚀📈

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2025-11-09 20:45