Bitcoin’s Boom Turned Bust? Risk Managers Sound the Alarm!

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In a world where the financial markets are as predictable as a disco dance routine, a powerful wave of institutional buying has propelled Bitcoin higher since early 2024. But beware! This same wave could crash like a poorly timed pun if market fatigue persists, warns Markus Thielen, CEO of 10x Research, who’s probably still recovering from the 2024 liquidation event that made the Titanic look like a tea party 🐐.

Thielen, a former portfolio manager with the charisma of a soggy biscuit, claims the crypto market is showing all the signs of a sleep-deprived toddler. October’s record-breaking liquidation event has left Bitcoin looking like a deflated balloon, while macroeconomic risks loom like a grumpy dragon in the background. 🐉

Spot Bitcoin ETFs, the new gold rush for institutional investors, have been the main engine of this rally. But Thielen warns that if these investors start acting like overzealous librarians, demanding their portfolios be “rebalanced,” Bitcoin might end up as the financial equivalent of a burnt toast. “At one point the risk manager may step in and say, ‘you need to eliminate or lighten your position’ – a sentiment as welcome as a wet umbrella in a teahouse,” he quipped. 💸

Meanwhile, US spot Bitcoin ETFs are experiencing outflows so dramatic, they could rival a leaking tap in a spaceship. Last week alone, $939 million vanished, leaving investors scratching their heads like a confused parrot. 🦜

Bitcoin’s underperformance in 2025

In a twist as unexpected as a sock in a soup, Bitcoin has underperformed most major asset classes this year. A curious phenomenon, given that it’s supposed to be the digital equivalent of a golden goose. Despite hitting a peak of $126,000 in October, it’s now lagging behind gold, tech stocks, and even the collective patience of a toddler. 🐐📉

But don’t panic! Thielen’s 10x Research isn’t outright bearish – they’re just cautiously optimistic about shorting Ether, which is like betting against a tornado with a net. Bitcoin remains the preferred asset for institutional investors, who clearly have a taste for chaos. 🌀

Whales, those mysterious sea creatures of the crypto world, have been taking profits above $100,000, leaving the market as unstable as a wobbly table. Citigroup’s Alex Saunders notes that wallets holding over 1,000 BTC are dwindling, like a cake that’s been nibbled to oblivion. 🐟

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2025-11-12 22:50