Banks Embrace Crypto: OCC Says “Hold My ETH” 🤑

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Ah, the labyrinthine corridors of bureaucracy have spoken! The US Office of the Comptroller of the Currency, in a fit of what can only be described as enlightened madness, hath decreed that national banks may now clutch cryptocurrency in their cold, corporate hands to settle blockchain network fees. A triumph of the absurd, is it not? 🌪️

OCC Unveils Its Grand Permissive Farce

Behold, the OCC, in its infinite wisdom, hath issued a new policy guidance-Interpretive Letter 1186, no less-declaring that banks may hold and use cryptocurrency to pay those pesky “gas fees.” A nod to the GENIUS Act, which, in its convoluted prose, outlines when banks might deign to manage such fees for their hapless customers or in their stablecoin escapades. Oh, the folly of it all! 🤡

The OCC, with a straight face, assures us that holding “reasonable amounts” of crypto is acceptable, provided there is a “reasonably foreseeable need.” Reasonable? Foreseeable? In this, the age of chaos and uncertainty? Pray tell, what is reasonable in a world where Ethereum fluctuates like a drunken sailor? 🥴

The letter, in its pompous conclusion, proclaims:

“The need for banks ‘to pay network fees to facilitate otherwise permissible crypto-asset activities and to hold, as principal, amounts of crypto-assets on balance sheet necessary to pay network fees for which the bank anticipates a reasonably foreseeable need is permissible for the bank.’”

A masterpiece of bureaucratic verbosity, is it not? 🧐

Ethereum: The OCC’s Comic Case Study

Ah, Ethereum, the darling of the blockchain, is trotted out as the OCC’s exemplar. To settle transactions, one must hold ETH, lest one be forced into the clutches of “less efficient alternatives.” Imagine the horror of maintaining a separate ETH account or engaging a third-party fee-provider! The humanity! 😱

The letter, with a dramatic flourish, laments:

“Such a user would have to either maintain a separate ETH account, conduct a spot transaction on a crypto-asset exchange to obtain ETH prior to the transaction, engage with a third-party network fee-provider, or obtain ETH by some other method.”

Oh, the trials and tribulations of the modern banker! 🙄

And let us not forget the OCC’s dire warning: such steps could “significantly increase costs” and “compound risks.” Costs! Risks! The very fabric of existence hangs in the balance! 🌌

OCC’s Great Reversal: A Tale of Regulatory Whimsy

Behold, the OCC, once the bastion of caution, hath executed a pirouette worthy of the Bolshoi. Under the watchful eye of Trump-appointed Comptroller Jonathan Gould, the agency hath embraced crypto with open arms. A pivot so sharp, one might suspect divine intervention! 🙌

Banks, those stalwart pillars of tradition, may now buy and sell crypto assets on their own behalf. And lo, the “reputation risk” hath been cast into the abyss, though the specter of risk management looms ever present. A comedy of errors, indeed! 🎭

In this, the age of crypto, where the only constant is change, the OCC’s decree is but a footnote in the grand farce of finance. Embrace the chaos, dear reader, for it is all we have. 🌪️💸

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2025-11-19 19:42