Cataclysms & Caprices: The Week’s Wicked Waltz of Woes for Cryptocurrency Cavaliers 🎩💸

by

The spotlight pirouettes this week toward the tempestuous tango of labor metrics and the belated ballet of PMI reports, crowned by September’s PCE inflation spectacle-a masquerade ball of numbers where every decimal point quivers with existential dread. 🎭

Last week, investor optimism bloomed like a desert rose in a sandstorm, bolstered by the CME futures’ 87% probability of a December 10 rate cut-a gamble dressed in the emperor’s new math. 🎰

Meanwhile, the former occupant of the Oval Office, a man whose truthfulness rivals that of a Cheshire Cat in a funhouse mirror, cryptically announced he’s chosen the next Fed Chair. “Soon,” he teases, as if dangling a plot twist in a poorly scripted telenovela. 🎬

Economic Events: Dec. 1 to 5 (A Tragi-Comedy in Five Acts)

Monday’s ISM Manufacturing PMI data will sashay onto the stage, a barometer of American industry’s pulse, likely still gasping for air in contraction territory. Tuesday’s delayed job openings report tiptoes in, a tardy guest clutching stale canapés. Wednesday’s nonfarm data-a headliner-will share billing with the S&P Services PMI and Non-Manufacturing PMI, a quadruple bill of economic theater. 🎭

“The numbers will sing in chorus,” quipped ING’s James Knightley, “with the manufacturing index crooning dirges of contraction and services whispering sweet nothings of neutrality.” A symphony of mediocrity, if you will. 🎼

Thursday’s jobless claims loom like a gothic spire, threatening to toll the bell for labor’s frailty. Friday’s PCE inflation data and Consumer Sentiment report arrive as the final act’s anticlimax-a fireworks show with damp fuses. 💣

“The market, ever the obedient parrot, repeats its mantra of rate cuts,” Knightley added, as if monetary policy were a lullaby for the masses. 🦜

Key Events (Because You’ll Forget Them By Tuesday):

1. ISM Manufacturing PMI (Monday) – A requiem for industry. 🪦

2. JOLTS Job Openings (Tuesday) – Ghosts of a labor shortage past. 👻

3. ADP Nonfarm Data (Wednesday) – The emperor’s new jobs. 👑

4. S&P Services PMI (Wednesday) – A lukewarm bath for optimists. 🛁

5. ISM Non-Manufacturing PMI – Because redundancy is romantic. 💕

– The Kobeissi Letter, November 30, 2025 (A date etched in the sands of time, or your calendar app). 📅

These reports shall pen the prologue to year-end’s fever dream, determining if markets will waltz further into the arms of monetary easing-or trip into the abyss. 💃🕺

Crypto’s Carnival of Calamity

Crypto markets, those leveraged lemmings, staged yet another plunge-a $540 million conga line into the abyss on Sunday, erasing 4% of their collective worth like a magician sawing a wallet in half. 🪙

Bitcoin, once a proud peacock at $91,500, molted into a scrawny $86,000 by Monday’s dawn-a 5% nosedive, its worst November since the days of MySpace and flip phones. 📉

At press time, Ether shed its $3,000 plumage, molting to $2,860, while altcoins became digital dodos-a bloodbath rivaled only by Shakespearean tragedies. 🦖

Next week: Will the Fed’s maestro, Maestro Jerome Powell, play the hero or the villain? Spoiler: It’s a tie. 🎭

Read More

2025-12-01 10:03