Crypto’s December Drama? đŸ€Ż

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So, apparently October and November weren’t failures in the cryptocurrency world. No, no. They were a “purge.” Like someone finally decided to clean out the attic of bad decisions. Money flowed out of these ETFs – which, let’s be honest, sound like something you’d find in a science fiction movie – traders got cold feet, and everyone suddenly remembered they had leveraged bets. But Coinbase, ever the optimist, says this was all
good? It “removed the excess heat.” As if crypto was a particularly spicy salsa.đŸŒ¶ïž

Key Takeaways (or, Things Coinbase Wants You to Think)

  • Coinbase Institutional says the recent declines were a cleanse, not a collapse. Which sounds like something a detox retreat would say.
  • Leverage is down, which is apparently a good thing. Because who needs more volatility, right?
  • December might be a rebound month. If, and it’s a big if, the economy doesn’t decide to spontaneously combust.

Their “internal leverage indicator” – which sounds suspiciously made up – shows that speculative positioning dropped to a measly 4%. They call this “much healthier.” I call it
 marginally less terrifying. đŸ‘»

Institutions Didn’t Exit – They Just Needed a Nap

Billions leaving Bitcoin and Ethereum ETFs aren’t people bailing ship, apparently. They’re just
 taking a break? “Risk compression” is the term they use. It’s very corporate. They’re “waiting.” Like a cat eyeing a particularly dusty sunbeam. Futures traders did the same thing – they didn’t run screaming, they just closed their leveraged positions. Probably to go focus on their emotional wellbeing.

And this, according to Coinbase, is why everything’s peachy now. 🙄

Seasonality Has Been Disrupted – Because of Course It Has

Historically, December is supposed to be good for investors – like a little Christmas bonus from the market. But 2025 decided to be different, and the months that usually go up went
down. Way down. Apparently it was the worst December since 2018. Which, let’s be honest, wasn’t a banner year for anyone.

Coinbase thinks this makes a rebound more likely. Because when things are bad, they can only go up, right? It’s simple economics. Expectations have been “flushed” (whatever that means), leverage is low, and everything is “cleaner.” Which sounds like a euphemism for “desperate.â€đŸ€ž

Analysts Whisper Sweet Nothings About a Turning Point

Coinbase summed it up nicely: a painful November might lead to a surprisingly strong finish. Which is what my grandmother always said after a particularly disastrous Thanksgiving dinner.

Less leverage means sell-offs won’t be as dramatic, and gains might come easier. Whether Bitcoin will hit $100,000 again? Who knows. But Coinbase seems optimistic. They’re implying that the building blocks for a rally are falling into place. I’m remaining skeptical, personally. I’ve learned not to trust anyone who uses the word “constructive” to describe the cryptocurrency market.

Basically, the last two months might have just hit the reset button. And if they’re right, get ready for a surprisingly resilient year-end. Or don’t. It’s crypto. Anything could happen. đŸ€·â€â™€ïž

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only. I am not a financial advisor, and you shouldn’t take investment advice from someone who writes like this. Do your own research. Seriously.

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2025-12-11 08:20