Caroline Ellison, erstwhile helmsman of Alameda Research, and the defunct FTX acolytes Gary Wang and Nishad Singh shall now spend the next eight to ten years in the shadows of boardrooms, their ambitions frozen like a Siberian blizzard. A court’s judgment, colder than a Cossack’s stare, has sealed their fate.
The SEC, in a Friday communiqué, declared its triumph over these fallen stars, citing their roles in a grand ballet of investor fund misallocation from 2019 to 2022. A tale of hubris and hubris alone, it seems.
Ellison, the Alameda CEO, consented to a decade-long exile from corporate thrones, while Wang and Singh accepted eight-year sentences to the same purgatory. All three now dance under five-year “conduct-based injunctions”-a poetic restraint for those who once wielded financial power like a drunken poet wields a pen. 🖋️
“As the SEC’s complaints alleged,” the document reads with the solemnity of a funeral dirge, “Sam Bankman-Fried, Wang, and Singh, with Ellison’s tacit nod, exempted Alameda from risk mitigation measures, granting it a line of credit thicker than Tolstoy’s prose.” And Wang and Singh? They coded the very software that funneled customer funds to Alameda, while Ellison traded with stolen treasure like a modern-day Scrooge McDuck. 💰
Sam “SBF” Bankman-Fried, the fallen titan, now serves a 25-year sentence, his appeal hanging in the balance like a snowflake in July. Meanwhile, Ellison, sentenced to two years (and a plea bargain that made her a state witness), and Wang and Singh, who traded their silence for early release, now ponder their legacies from the comfort of… well, wherever they are. 🏞️
Ellison’s recent transfer from prison to a New York “Residential Reentry Management” office-a euphemism for “we’re letting you out early”-hints at good-conduct credits. A reward for penitence, or merely a bureaucratic wink at the absurdity of it all? 🤷
Scheduled for release on Feb. 20, she’ll exit custody nine months early, perhaps to write a memoir titled Trading Places: A Tale of Two Collapses. The world awaits. 📖
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2025-12-20 01:31