Bitcoin’s Price Drop: CIA Plot or Just Bad Luck? 😏

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Bitcoin’s mid-year slump has resurrected the age-old question: Is this a cosmic conspiracy or just your ex’s poor life choices? Strategy CFO Andrew Kang, ever the optimist, insists the market isn’t being “manipulated” by some shadowy cabal of rogue astronauts and rogue algorithms. Spoiler: Even if they tried, Bitcoin’s scale is like trying to drown a cat in a kiddie pool-logistically impossible and morally questionable.

On Natalie Brunell’s Coin Stories (Dec. 30), Kang argued that Bitcoin’s woes aren’t its fault but rather the result of living in a universe still haunted by macroeconomic uncertainty, tech stock tantrums, and the lingering trauma of 2020. “It’s not Bitcoin’s fault the Fed’s a drama queen,” he probably said, sipping a latte made from his own cryptocurrency dividends.

Brunell pressed Kang on rumors that Bitcoin’s been “manipulated” since October-a theory allegedly fueled by a mysterious MSCI memo and a liquidation event that had people Googling “What’s a futures contract?” at 3 AM. Kang’s response? A shrug and a wink: “Sure, maybe some evil geniuses are trying to crash it. But even if they had a time machine, Bitcoin’s size makes it harder to control than your New Year’s resolutions.”

Missed my chat with Strategy’s CFO? Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll send you a follow-up email in binary. 🤷♂️

We unraveled Bitcoin’s 2025 slump, MSCI’s cryptic notes, and why Strategy keeps buying BTC like it’s Black Friday at the digital gold store. 🛒

– Natalie Brunell (@natbrunell) Dec. 30, 2025

Kang also dismissed claims that Strategy’s treasury operations are the real villain. “If you think our weekly buys are causing chaos, I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn,” he deadpanned. “Bitcoin’s too big for any one company to steer-it’s like trying to herd black holes with a laser pointer.”

The Real Reason BTC’s Dropped? Blame Physics! 🚀

Kang doubled down on the “emerging asset” narrative, comparing Bitcoin’s volatility to a toddler on a sugar rush. “In 2022, I learned that Bitcoin can drop faster than my confidence in my stock picks. But hey, that’s just growing pains!” He added that macro forces-like the Fed’s indecisiveness-are the real culprits, not some Bond-villain plot. “Bitcoin’s still a risk asset. It’s like the wild west, but with worse customer service.”

And for the long-term believers? Kang painted a picture of Bitcoin’s future so grand it could make Elon Musk weep: “From $88K to $125K to $200K to… well, let’s just say it’s not stopping until we’ve all achieved crypto utopia. Or at least bought a moon base.”

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2025-12-31 21:21