Binance: 97% Less Shady, 100% More Snarky!

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Well, slap my face and call me compliant-Binance just announced it’s 97% less into hanging out with sanctioned entities since January 2024. That’s like going from “definitely on Santa’s naughty list” to “mostly just eating cookies off the floor.” Progress?

This news comes hot on the heels of accusations that Binance was playing fast and loose with sanctions, and that investigators got the boot for being, you know, too good at their jobs. Because nothing says “we’re serious about compliance” like firing the people who point out your compliance issues.

Binance: The Overachiever of Crypto Compliance

According to Fortune, several investigators got the ol’ heave-ho after flagging $1 billion in transactions linked to Iranian counterparties. Mostly in Tether’s USDT on the Tron blockchain, because who doesn’t love a good crypto-stablecoin-sanctions trifecta? Oh, and four senior compliance folks also got the axe recently. But hey, no biggie-just a few loose ends in the “best-in-class” compliance program.

Meanwhile, blockchain analytics platform Elliptic was like, “Hey, the Central Bank of Iran has $500 million in USDT,” because apparently stablecoins are the new black market currency. Who knew?

Binance, not one to miss a chance to toot its own horn, fired back with a blog post claiming its compliance program is “best-in-class” and “continuously strengthening.” Their data shows sanctions exposure dropped from 0.284% to 0.009% between January 2024 and July 2025. That’s a 96.8% decline, folks. Math doesn’t lie, but people do-allegedly.

Oh, and connections to the four largest Iranian crypto exchanges? Down 97.3%. Take that, global peers! Binance is basically the teacher’s pet of crypto compliance now. They even processed 71,000 authority requests and supported $131 million in confiscations in 2025. Go ahead, give them a gold star.

All this while they’re still on compliance probation after pleading guilty to anti-money laundering and sanctions violations. $4.3 billion in penalties later, and they’re still here, serving looks and (hopefully) following the rules.

Binance: “We’re Not Shady, You’re Just Jealous”

Binance is like that friend who insists they didn’t eat the last slice of pizza-they’re just holding it for you. They claim recent reports are based on “incomplete and mischaracterized information.” Those two entities everyone’s talking about? Totally not on any sanctions lists, and their transactions didn’t even trigger the fancy monitoring tools. Pinkie swear.

As for those fired investigators? Binance says they were let go for breaching data protection and confidentiality guidelines. Not because they were asking too many questions. Nope. Not at all.

Former CEO Changpeng Zhao chimed in on social media, basically calling the whole thing FUD (Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt) spread by “unhappy” or paid sources. Because nothing says “I’m innocent” like a good old-fashioned conspiracy theory.

“You can put a negative narrative on anything by talking to an ‘anonymous source’ who is ‘unhappy’ or paid to FUD.”

So there you have it, folks. Binance: 97% less shady, 100% more snarky. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to start my own crypto exchange called “ProbablyCompliantCoin.” Catchy, right?

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2026-02-24 01:36