In a world where logic is a relic of the pre-apocalyptic era, Bitcoin clings to $67,000 like a drowning man to a typewriter, swaying through a week of volatility that sent it tumbling to $64,000-ostensibly due to President Trump’s 15% tariff decree and the grand spectacle of $1 billion in liquidations. Analyst Willy Woo, a prophet in a digital madhouse, whispers of a bear market nadir near $45,000, while the more pessimistic clairvoyants, armed with crystal balls and existential dread, murmur of $30,000 should the markets’ fragile sanity shatter. Meanwhile, Bitwise’s CIO, Matt Hougan, and MicroStrategy’s Michael Saylor-two men who clearly never met a bullish cycle they couldn’t romanticize-argue this dip is merely nature’s way of trimming the fat, citing whale hoarding and long-term trends as evidence that the crypto cosmos will one day right itself. A farce, of course, but then again, what isn’t?
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2026-02-27 10:53