Analyst Predicts Ethereum’s Scandalous Surge—Bitcoin’s Fate in the Winds! 🧐📈

One of those terribly celebrated soothsayers of cyberspace, styling themselves ‘Pentoshi’— whether after the Italian pine, the coin purse, or simply for the pleasure of pseudonymity—has once again taken to the public square (in this instance, a wildly democratic platform called ‘X’, where even your aunt’s dog has an opinion) to prophesy great and imminent things for our two favourite cryptographic amusements: Ethereum (ETH) and Bitcoin (BTC).

As Pentoshi, now burdened with over 868,000 followers—presumably not all bots—preached to the masses, Ethereum is poised, nay destined, to frolic merrily past the $3,000 boundary before the leaves turn brown, thanks to a so-called “structural shift.” Whether that shift is tectonic, aesthetic, or simply existential is left infuriatingly vague.

“I think we see $3,000+ this quarter for what it’s worth. Really can’t hate this chart. We’ve been in this new range for quite some time. I’d guess it resolves in the near future. It’s all about waiting. I do think there’s a structural shift occurring. Upside is 3.2x or so. Downside is in my opinion $2,100.”

The gentle reader is further informed by Pentoshi that “Ethereum probably melts up, and not just against the USD.” At this point, it’s unclear whether ‘melting up’ is a technical term in the cryptoverse or simply a veiled sign that one’s morning coffee has spilled over yet another exchange rate chart. To ‘melt up’ against other assets too—oh, the audacity! 🫠

“Ethereum probably melts up, and not just against the USD.”

The chart in question—a gaudy marvel peppered with lines, squiggles, and what one imagines are the digital artefacts of nervous optimism—foretells an ETH crescendo to $4,000 as the curtain rises on 2025, before executing a dainty pirouette back to $2,500, possibly in July. Presently, Ethereum languishes near $2,577, with the inclination of a well-bred dog experiencing a cautious sniff of a new carpet—up, but only just.

Next, our prophet casts a baleful yet glistening eye toward Bitcoin: since July 2023, its motions have, apparently, refused to join the bearish debauchery. (Said bears, alas, remain uninvited at this soiree and have resorted to “chop”—mental and financial, a sort of emotional salad spinner for the unprepared.)

“This is not a bearish chart. It’s just not. I think the people who are bearish got chopped because of low time frames, which lead to both mental and financial chop.”

Summing up with the air of an oracle too wise to risk his reputation on actual dates, Pentoshi proclaims that the era of new all-time highs is imminent for Bitcoin. (Whether “imminent” is a matter of years, decades, or the next leap year, he sagely declines to commit.) For those desperate for arithmetic: Bitcoin currently teases at $109,488. Up a majestic 1%—a movement so substantial one could almost take tea, gaze at the chart, and wonder if anything had happened at all. 🫖

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2025-07-03 23:02