Bitcoin ETFs Are Eating Wall Street’s Lunch, and Pass the Champagne 🍾

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And in the left corner, wearing a suit so sharp it could cut glass, it’s BlackRock’s iShares Bitcoin Trust (IBIT). The thing rolled in, looked at the S&P 500 ETF (you know, BlackRock’s main squeeze), and just… out-earned it. $53 billion. I repeat: billion, with a “B”. Congrats, S&P 500, you’ve been usurped by a digital coin. Champagne in the breakroom, guys! 🥂

Fidelity’s FBTC is trotting along behind—adorable—with $12 billion in inflows. Cute. Meanwhile, Grayscale’s GBTC has taken “negative equity” as a lifestyle. It’s hemorrhaging money like someone tried to pay rent in Monopoly dollars—$23 billion out the window, to be precise. (Don’t worry Grayscale, we’ve all made regrettable financial decisions. Some of us just didn’t press release them.)

IBIT is now sitting on more than 700,000 BTC, hoarding them like a dragon in a fintech fairy tale. That’s over half of all the assets in spot Bitcoin ETFs, and the others are just watching from the kiddie pool, floaties on.

But wait, it gets better. Corporate FOMO has gone intercontinental. In Japan, Metaplanet just splurged $237 million for more BTC, racking up over 15,500 of the shiny virtual things. Fifth-biggest public holder. Is there a leaderboard? Because they’re climbing. Meanwhile, Remixpoint—another Japan player—just tossed in $215 million for an extra 3,000 coins. Corporate treasuries starting to look more like treasure chests. 🏴‍☠️

Europe’s not missing the party, either. France’s The Blockchain Group (braggy name, love it) grabbed $12.5 million in Bitcoin, while the UK’s Smarter Web Company (your move, Dumber Web Company?) snatched up $24.3 million. Très Bitcoin.

This year, Bitcoin has hoovered up 83% of all digital asset inflows, according to CoinShares. You can practically hear Ethereum weeping in the background. One asset to rule them all? Bitcoin’s currently strutting around the ring, gold belt on, daring anyone to challenge the narrative. 🥇

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2025-07-10 14:40