Is Crypto the New Black? Watch Out, Wall Street! 💸✨

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What to know:

  • The U.S. is about to roll out some crypto legislation, and, surprise, Bitwise is here with a life-changing scoop.
  • Thanks to clear regulations, big finance players like JPMorgan (because why wouldn’t they want a piece of the action?) might finally stop giving crypto the side-eye.

So, it turns out America is just one freakin’ legislative vote away from making crypto not just trendy, but the whole vibe! 🎉 If we ace this bill, we’re unlocking some serious growth, and you thought your student loans were risky?

Bitwise says it’s simple: nail down regulatory rules, hand the keys to the big shots like BNY Mellon and Nasdaq, and watch the magic (and money) happen. Makes you wonder why they didn’t think of this sooner, right?

In less jaw-dropping terms, this means piles of fresh investments and loads of traditional assets heading straight to the blockchain. “Hey, Washington, can we please get a yay or nay already?” basically sums it up.

This week, congresspeople are throwing down votes on the CLARITY Act—because who doesn’t love a well-structured bill?—and the GENIUS Act, meant to babysit those cheeky stablecoins. Can you believe we’re relying on Congress for this? 😂

Yesterday, a top senator declared that the market structure bill had more holes than Swiss cheese. Ouch!

If these bills don’t get stuck in political limbo, we might just unleash the genie, and let’s be honest: no one can shove that back in. Or at least they shouldn’t.🤷‍♀️

Let’s face it, crypto has had a rough patch thanks to some shady players—FTX, Terra/Luna… it’s like a never-ending soap opera. 🙄 These weren’t just mishaps; they were like letting toddlers run a lemonade stand unsupervised!

Sure, stricter regulations wouldn’t have saved us from every single disaster, but they could have at least swatted away some of the worst. Kind of like a mosquito—annoying but necessary.

Acknowledging crypto’s wild and crazy ride (hello, 70% crashes?), it’s kept the big boys at a safe distance. But if the U.S. can tame the wild beast, those terrifying drops might become as rare as a polite comment section.

And by the way, political shifts aren’t going to be hitting reverse; the GENIUS Act is already cruising through like a prom queen with 18 Democratic supporters behind it. 🎉

Money is calling, Wall Street is answering, and once the big institutions start creeping into crypto, good luck pretending it’s not a big deal. When BlackRock and JPMorgan jump in with both feet—and millions of Americans, too—crypto becomes as crucial as avocado toast at brunch. Good luck ignoring that! 🥑💰

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2025-07-16 10:51