The Thing That Was Supposed to Happen Eventually Maybe
In a stunning turn of events not entirely dissimilar to pigs flying or politicians agreeing on anything ever, Congress has sent the CLARITY Act off to the Senate with a cheerful “Here, you deal with this.”
Because nothing says “stable economy” like letting politicians name bills after words they clearly don’t understand. GENIUS? CLARITY? Next up: the HONESTY Act (sponsored entirely by lobbyists). ✨
Somewhere in Washington, a confused intern whispered:
“Wait… we’re supposed to READ these things before voting?”
Let’s Play Government Bingo
The CLARITY Act – because nothing clarifies things quite like:
✅ SEC vs. CFTC turf war (place your bets!)
✅ Exemptions for sketchy DeFi projects (it’s “early stage innovation” until your wallet vanishes)
✅ Bureaucratic buzzwords like “disclosures” (fine print sold separately)
House Speaker Mike Johnson reportedly described this as:
“America remaining the global leader” which roughly translates to “please don’t notice that we’re 3 years behind Singapore.”
The Critics Have Entered the Chat
Not to be outdone, consumer advocates weighed in with their own special brand of optimism:
“It’s gotten worse! Congratulations!” – Americans for Financial Reform, possibly while drinking heavily
Meanwhile at the CFTC:
“Wait… we’re in charge of WHAT now?” – Every regulator ever
The real winner here? Crypto scammers enjoying regulatory whack-a-mole while Congress plays musical chairs with oversight duties. 🎵
Coming soon to a Senate near you: more arguments, loopholes, and at least one senator who still thinks Bitcoin is “that internet drug money.” Stay tuned! 🍿
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2025-07-19 12:28