748,763 Americans Now at Risk

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So, apparently, I’m not the only one who routinely forgets their passwords. Apparently, 748,763 other Americans are sharing this charming trait, though their lapses in security have resulted in something slightly more inconvenient than being locked out of Netflix. We’re talking names, Social Security numbers…the whole shebang. It all stems from a substance screening firm – because nothing says “secure data storage” like a place that tests for… well, you know. 🤷‍♀️

This Alcohol & Drug Testing Service (TADTS) – the name alone suggests a certain level of chaos – had a “cybersecurity incident.” They’re being very euphemistic about it. I imagine the hackers just strolled in, made themselves a cup of coffee, and casually downloaded everyone’s life story. I picture a spreadsheet, really. “Name: Mildred. SSN: You don’t want to know. Favorite Color: Beige.” Riveting stuff.

They stole names, dates of birth (which, let’s be honest, most of us are desperately trying to forget), driver’s license numbers, bank details… basically, everything you’d need to impersonate someone and order a lifetime supply of orthopedic shoes. And biometric datasets? Oh, good. Now they have your face too. It’s like a digital wax museum, but populated with people who owe back taxes.

The official statement is truly a masterpiece of corporate understatement. “On July 9, 2024, TADTS became aware of a potential compromise…” Potential? It’s like saying the Titanic had a minor plumbing issue. And then, “we immediately took steps to investigate.” Oh, you mean after the data was *already gone*? That’s reassuring. They changed passwords, too. Right after the hackers discovered what those passwords were. Brilliant strategy. 👏

TADTS, based in Texas, of course, because what better place to safeguard sensitive information? – promises that nobody’s reported any fraud yet. Which is lovely. A brief reprieve before the identity theft tsunami hits. They also suggest you get a free credit report. Because, you know, that’s going to solve everything. It’s like offering a band-aid after someone’s lost a limb.

So, if you happen to receive a suspicious bill for something involving alpaca farming or a timeshare in the Maldives, don’t blame me. Blame TADTS. And maybe, just maybe, start using a password that’s slightly more complex than “password123.” Just a thought. 🤔

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2025-07-20 10:22