Today, behind doors shrouded in mystery, somewhere not far enough from the Potomac’s turbulent currents, the White House prepares to release its crypto decree—a document whispered to contain the birth certificate of the illustrious National Crypto Stockpile. Ethereum and XRP, two coins whose names evoke visions of fevered night trading and eternal Telegram debates, may or may not find themselves locked in America’s digital treasure vault, all thanks to one Donald Trump’s restless pen.
The National Crypto Stockpile: Ethereum, XRP, and the Mad Hopes of the People 🤔
The news broke on X (formerly known as Twitter, before the rebranding coup d’état) where crypto sage Xaif, peering beyond the curtain like a modern-day Woland, announced that Ethereum and XRP might soon rub shoulders with Bitcoin in the nation’s collection. Anxious traders clutched their ledgers; degens prayed briefly; meme creators well, they did what meme creators always do.
Recall, if you dare, President Trump’s earlier directives, when he unleashed the Digital Assets Working Group into the labyrinthine corridors of Washington to divine a stockpile. Should our beloved ETH and XRP be included, they might come from government-seized hoards—what a fate, crypto coins once free, now reciting the Star-Spangled Banner every morning. 🎵
Why pick XRP for this digital Fort Knox? Rumor has it Trump himself was “gently nudged” (presidential translation: wrestled like a bear) into supporting its inclusion. But make no mistake—he continues to beat the Bitcoin drum like Ringo at a comeback tour. As for Ethereum, let’s just say the president’s ties run deeper than a memecoin dip.
Actually Pulling This Off—Or, the Art of Catching Ether in a Butterfly Net 🦋
At last count, Uncle Sam is sitting on a cool 198,012 BTC (not to brag, just what the Arkham oracle revealed). Trump, in a fit of magnanimous hodling, has suggested spinning this fortune into a strategic reserve rather than unleashing them on the open market—imagine the Coinbase order book that would cause! Meanwhile, the government is also holding about 59,951 shimmering ETH; yet, when it comes to XRP, the vault is as empty as a cold Moscow winter.
The XRP faithful, ever ready for wild schemes (and possibly a touch of poetic justice), proposed that Ripple settle its $125 million spat with the SEC in XRP rather than good old dollars. Sadly, according to SEC veteran Marc Fargel, Ripple already ponied up in plain, unromantic cash. If only central banks accepted memes for payment.
But what of Trump’s ties to this cryptic cosmos? The man himself reportedly has a piece of World Liberty Financial—a company stockpiling over 73,616 ETH, apparently for a rainy day or a particularly extravagant NFT mint. XRP, by contrast, still languishes as an orphan in his portfolio.
As we speak, the price tickers drone on: Ethereum at a dramatic $3,800, XRP holding the fort at $3.11. Tomorrow? Who knows. Perhaps a talking cat will be appointed chairman of the SEC.
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2025-07-30 14:17