Pray, good citizens! Lend me your ears-nay, your finest doublets and digital wallets! For BitMine Immersion Technologies hath proclaimed, with a fanfare worthy of Louis XIV (if he were, perchance, a blockchain enthusiast), that their Ethereum holdings have galloped beyond the staggering sum of 833,000 tokens! They now bestride this globe as the holder of the mightiest ETH treasury. Ah, corporate coin-hoarding: ’tis all the rage, like powdered wigs, but with a tad more volatility.
BitMine Crowned Emperor of Ether (With No Modest Bow)
The word on the court floor: BitMine Immersion Technologies-known mostly for digging up Bitcoins as enthusiastically as Molière’s characters chase an inheritance-has scooped up precisely 833,137 ETH! Move aside, SharpLink Gaming; the throne is not for the slow-footed. One must wonder: do they mine ETH, or wish to marry it?
Their ETH trove doth glisten with a kingly sheen: over $2.9 billion, if one consults the Oracle of Coin and finds ETH priced at $3,491 per trinket. To this, Tom Lee, Lord Chairman of BitMine’s Board, declaimed with élan:
“Gentle folk, BitMine rode with the swiftness of Mercury, pursuing the fabled ‘alchemy of 5%’! From zero to over 833,000 coins in a mere 35 days-a feat that makes even the boldest gamblers at Versailles blush! No rival can match our fleet-footed greed nor the wondrous liquidity of our fair stock. If you sneeze, you’ll miss our net asset value soaring!”
This stratagem-they call it a ‘treasury strategy’ (I call it theatre!)-saw its curtain rise on June 30th, and now, the first act is barely over, yet BitMine already wields the scepter of ETH supremacy, leaving SharpLink Gaming sobbing in the gallery below.
StrategicETHReserve.xyz (importantly, neither a royal spy nor a .gov) reveals BitMine’s pile leapt by 283.1% these past thirty days. They command, with all due aristocratic aloofness, a mite more than 0.5% of ETH’s entire circulating court!
The runner-ups? SharpLink Gaming manages a humble 438,200 ETH, with The Ether Machine wheezing into third place at 334,800. The rest-Ethereum Foundation, Coinbase, Bit Digital, and BTCS-stand applaud but far from the main stage.
BitMine’s bulging coffers now place them on the corporate crypto podium: bronze behind Michael Saylor’s enterprise and MARA Holdings, both still tighter to their Bitcoin than a miser to his coin.
As the tale unfolded, BitMine shares waltzed up by 2.65%, fetching $32.52-more applause, more bowing. And the audience? Rapt, as the stock is up a whopping 348% this year. Someone fetch a smelling salt for the short sellers! 👑📈
More Courtiers Outshine the Ethereum Foundation
Once, the Ethereum Foundation basked alone in glory, like a spoiled Dauphin atop the Parisian court. Now, the crowd thickens as upstart corporations jostle for favor and tokens. Institutional ardor for Ethereum swells faster than a hypochondriac’s self-diagnosis.
Only last week, BTC Inc., ever the braggart, aired plans to conjure $2 billion for an even grander crypto treasury, with ETH at the heart. Meanwhile, The Ether Machine, unsated by titles, pressed “add to cart” on 15,000 fresh ETH, fattening its purse.
The numbers do not lie (unlike roguish suitors): ETH supplies on centralized exchanges have drained to a nine-year nadir, like wigs at a lice outbreak. By the minute, ETH trades at $3,648, up 0.9%-not enough for a Mont Blanc, perhaps, but it pays the carriage fare. 🤑🦄
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2025-08-05 07:19