EU’s Big Brother Plan: Your Messages Are Under Surveillance Now! 👀

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In a move that could make Big Brother blush, the European Union is seriously considering turning your private chats into an open book. Think of it as a sort of digital peeping Tom, but with a fancy name – “Chat Control” – and, apparently, the backing of 19 out of 27 member states. Yes, that’s right, the EU is now about as private as a glass house on a busy street.

The latest genius idea? Mandating messaging platforms like WhatsApp, Signal, and Telegram to inspect every message, photo, and video you send, starting in October. And here’s the kicker: they want to do this even if your messages are end-to-end encrypted, which you might think keeps things private – guess again! French tech blogger Korben suggested this plan is so invasive, it’s as if the Post Office decided to read your letters before sealing them, just to keep things “safe.” 🕵️‍♂️📬

Denmark, ever the overachiever, reintroduced this scheme on July 1, kicking off their stint as EU Council president. France, which once held a different opinion, now seems to be on board, probably after a quick chat with Patrick Breyer, a former MEP and pirate enthusiast. Belgium, Hungary, Sweden, Italy, and Spain are also onboard the surveillance express, while Germany remains undecided, probably debating whether they want to be the first to test this totalitarian waters. If Berlin caves, mid-October might see the grand voting spectacle, with a few countries waving their digital flags for widespread snooping. 🚩

To get the EU’s technical goulash approved, a majority of 15 countries (that’s at least 55%) representing 65% of the population must say “yes.” Basically, it’s a game of political musical chairs, where the music is a little unsettling and the chairs are surveillance laws.

Pre-encryption snooping: because privacy is so last season

Instead of tackling encryption’s strengths, the plan wants to embed software directly into your devices, so it can peek at your secrets before they’re locked away. Korben wryly compared it to the postman reading all your letters in your living room before sending them off – lovely image, isn’t it? 📬🙄

And surprise! It’s not about catching the bad guys – or so they say. The real target seems to be the cozy chats of regular folks, with algorithms ready to scrutinize every emoji, meme, or puppy photo you send. The justification? Preventing child sexual abuse material (CSAM), but critics argue it’s really about mass surveillance that’s as invasive as your nosy neighbor.

On top of that, they want to snatch your anonymity with mandatory age verification, turning every message into a digital game of “Guess Who’s Who.” Digital rights groups are now rallying, urging citizens to email their MEPs, sign petitions, and basically scream into the void before this becomes just another chapter in the “Big Brother” saga.

France’s Societal Meltdown: Censorship in the Crosshairs

Meanwhile, in a plot twist worthy of a spy novel, Telegram founder Pavel Durov warned France that they risk societal armageddon if they keep going down the censorship rabbit hole. Durov, who was detained in France last August over alleged moderation mishaps, claims French officials recently knocked on his digital door with requests to silence certain political content – which he politely declined. Apparently, even the latest encryption isn’t enough to stop government meddling, and the French Parliament seems to be on a mission to turn the country into a giant, Orwellian sandbox.

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2025-08-05 16:09