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This curious match-up isn’t just a swing and a miss; it’s KuCoin’s classy attempt to tee off on global brand recognition and earn a little respectability in a crypto world often more dramatic than a putting bunker mishap. By snagging the Masters Champion himself, whose style is as sharp and steady as a Swiss watch, KuCoin aims to charm the masses through a sport that’s all about patience, precision, and quietly judging your opponent’s fashion choices.

El Salvador, the trailblazers in creating a bitcoin reserve and the first to make bitcoin legal tender, are now getting a bit of a grilling over their bitcoin buys. President Bukele keeps saying they’ll “never stop” buying bitcoin, but the on-chain data is telling a different story. Maybe they’re just playing a game of digital hot potato with their BTC. 🏓

This about-face comes seven years after South Korea clamped down on crypto in 2018, presumably out of sheer panic that people might accidentally spend their life savings on digital cats. Now, they’re sprinting toward crypto adoption so fast, they might need to invent a new word for “crypto-rich.” Projects like Pepenode ($PEPENODE) are grinning like Cheshire cats, if Cheshire cats had stock portfolios.

utterly indispensable. Banking infrastructure may resemble a dodgeball game gone awry, but the crypto-savvy among China, Vietnam, South Korea, and the Philippines lead the charge like dashing cavalry.

Yevgeny Masharov, whose title is a mouthful but basically translates to “Someone Important Who Reads Draft Laws,” suggested Russia should take a page out of Belarus’ playbook. Belarus recently got ambitious and is trying to slap together a digital assets bank and some serious regulations to match. Their president, Alexander Lukashenko, apparently isn’t shy about pushing for more digital assets in cross-border payments either – probably because who doesn’t want their money to teleport instantly across borders?

New Listings & Rewards

On the fateful day of September 10, as the blockchain explorer Beaconcha.in solemnly recorded, 39 validators were penalized. A rare spectacle, indeed, one of the largest coordinated slashing events since Ethereum’s proof-of-stake debut in 2022. A day to remember, or perhaps, to forget, depending on whose pocketbook is lighter. 📆🔍

In this grand theater of numbers, ENA has outpaced its peers, leaping an impressive 20.3% over the past week, while the rest of crypto snuffles along at a meager 0.7%, and the altcoins barely twitch, twitching at a meek 0.2%. Like an actor holding his mask just so, the Relative Strength Index teeters near 60.33-neither too eager, nor too weary-leaving room for charming ascents before the curtains close and overbought alarms ring.

Ali, the oracle of Fibonacci levels (ancient numerology, really), insists that a breakout from this geometric prison could catapult the price into the stratosphere. The key? Watching $23.00 like a hawk with a caffeine addiction. Volume changes? Breakout signals? Please. It’s all just a dance of hope and hubris, really.

In a proclamation from the oracle Santiment, broadcast upon the X platform, we learn of a curious increase in the Whale Transaction Count for Toncoin (TON) and Quant (QNT). What trickery is this, you ask? ’Tis but a tally of transfers exceeding the princely sum of $100,000, reserved for only the plumpest purse-holders, those master-mariners of market tides.