Saylor’s Bitcoin Stash: Will It Sink or Swim? 🚀

For four years, Strategy has been a collector of Bitcoin, purchasing in increments as if curating a gallery of digital artifacts. Each acquisition, a small act of faith, yet the average price of $74,057 per coin now hangs like a specter over their treasury. A price that, should it falter, might cast a shadow over their lofty ambitions.

Franklin Templeton’s XRP ETF: Same Game, New Rules? 🤑💸

Our intrepid ETF analyst, James Seyffart, observed on X (formerly Twitter) that the firm has axed the 8(a) delay clause, that pesky provision which once allowed the SEC to dawdle over approval timelines like a tea-soaked toff in a pinstripe. Previously, Franklin Templeton had kowtowed to this tradition, but now it declares, “Nay, we shall be effective in 20 days unless you stop us!” A bold move, or perhaps a desperate one? Only the SEC knows, and they’re not talking.

Crypto’s Day of Reckoning? 😱

The grand total of all these digital baubles – the entire cryptocurrency market capitalization – has also taken a minor, utterly devastating tumble of about one percent, settling at a meager $3.7 trillion. As if anyone can truly count such things. It’s all vapor, my friends, beautiful, shimmering vapor. ✨

Crypto Firms Unite to Tackle Blockchain Chaos – Because Who Needs Consistency?

Fireblocks, the Solana Foundation, TON Foundation, Polygon Labs, Stellar Development Foundation, Mysten Labs, and Monad Foundation – which sounds like the names of secret agents but are actually just a bunch of blockchain nerds – announced on Thursday they’re forming the Blockchain Payments Consortium (BPC, because adding a finance-y acronym makes everything sound more serious).

Is XRP’s Death Cross the Grim Reaper’s Whisper? 🧟‍♂️💰

XRP Chart

Oh, the plight of XRP, caught in the brutal embrace of bearish pressure. The 50-day moving average makes its stealthy advance below the stalwart 200-day moving average-a phenomenon ominously dubbed the death cross. This cleverly named maneuver is a harbinger of possible downward tides, filling traders and investors with visions of uncertainty regarding the short-term price trajectory of XRP. 📉

Ether Crashes Like My Dating Life 😱 Whales Gobble $1.37B Bargain!

According to CoinDesk Research (aka “The People Who Actually Understand Charts While I Just Stare at Candlesticks Hoping for Divine Intervention”), ether dropped like my motivation on a Monday morning-breaking below the oh-so-important $3,400 support level. And yet, whales were buying like it was Black Friday at Harrods. 🐳💸

🔥 Bitwise Preps the Magic Wand for a Dogecoin ETF! 🐕‍🦺

On the seventh of November, as recorded by the metallic quill of Bloomberg’s oracle, Eric Balchunas, on the electronic scrolls of X, a revelation was made. Bitwise, in a move more cunning than a fox with Bitcoins, altered its filing under the mystical Section 8(a) of the Securities Act.