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The CLO has opined that it should give traditional banks “some comfort.” Or maybe just a mild sedative. 🧠💤

Behold, 122 titans of finance-guardians of nearly $1 trillion-have confessed their sins (or strategies) to these holy men of spreadsheets. And lo, they cite Trump’s GENIUS Act, that most ironically named of legislations, as the balm for their crypto-related anxieties. “Regulatory uncertainty,” said James Delaney of AIMA, “has been a major barrier.” A barrier! As if the very air of ambiguity were a wall of fire, and Trump’s quill a bucket of water. Yet, with 47% of these institutions now clutching crypto tighter than a drunkard clutches his last bottle, one must ask: is this wisdom, or merely the madness of crowds wearing a tie?

Daily active users, transactions, and TVL have all dropped sharply, with $810,000 in IP sold and DEX volume hitting a monthly low. 📉📉

As the derivatives traders of Binance delicately unwound their BTC and ETH positions, the Open Interest data from CryptoQuant revealed a curious migration toward XRP. One might call it a “bet,” though the term feels almost quaint amid the broader market’s tantrum.

Ah, the narratives! Privacy, scalability, and speed-the holy trinity of crypto buzzwords. But beware, for the market is a fickle mistress, and the U.S. government shutdown looms like a specter at a banquet. 👻🍷

Pour yourself a coffee, dear reader, for the sages at Standard Chartered have spoken. Geoff Kendrick, the bank’s Head of FX and Digital Assets Research, has declared that Bitcoin is not merely a currency but the very backbone of DeFi’s aspirations. Should it falter, the dream of decentralized finance shall crumble like a poorly baked soufflé. 🥞💔

It seems the Bitcoin community is not exactly in a ‘sell, sell, sell’ mood. Over the past 30 days, a colossal over 375,000 BTC-enough to feed a small nation-found its new homes. According to Darkfost, these accumulator addresses have hit an all-time high, making the stock market look like a slow Sunday afternoon. The monthly average has climbed from a humble 130,000 to a not-so-humble 262,000 BTC, confirming that this trend isn’t just a blip, but a full-blown crypto carnival.

The world of modern finance is a rattletrap jalopy careening down a highway paved with good intentions. 🚗 Sure, it’s fast, and sure, it’s shiny, but one wrong turn and you’re in the ditch. Trust, they say, is the seatbelt of this wild ride. But let’s be honest-most seatbelts in this game are made of string and hope. USDD, though? It’s got a seatbelt forged in steel and bolted to the blockchain. 🔗

Lo, Ethereum ($ETH), once lofty, now languishes in the gutter of market whims, a 13% tumble etching sorrow into the charts. How tragic! How utterly Shakespearian! 🎭