qfx 
This brainwave comes just as the pressure cooks on the government like a steam kettle at a bad diner. Selling off Bitcoin? Really? That’s like trying to pay your rent with Monopoly money. If they actually pull this off, we’re straying from a global trend of governments hoarding Bitcoin like it’s the last piece of cake at a party! 🎂
That’s right, folks! The brilliant minds at OpenAI have cooked up an experimental smarty-pants that tackled the toughest math competition around — the IMO! This isn’t your average calculator either. Nope, this baby faced the test like a human — no internet, no googling, just raw algorithmic genius. Well, talk about a silicon slap in the face to human math teachers! 🧠🔥
Upon the digital scrolls of social media, Bessent waxes poetic about the dollar’s inevitable embrace of cryptocurrency’s underbelly, all thanks to President Trump’s signing of the GENIUS Act—a title that, one must admit, drips with self-congratulatory irony. Imagine, if you will, the greenback, that steadfast symbol of American might, now venturing into the murky waters of on-chain existence, guided by what is whimsically dubbed “Guiding and Establishing National Innovation for U.S. Stablecoins.” Sarcasm aside, it’s almost comical how history repeats itself, with leaders playing puppeteer to technological fate. 😂
Now, Block, used to be called Square, you see. Jack Dorsey, the same fella who cooked up Twitter, started it back in 2009. 🐦 Always been a bit of a crypto enthusiast, that Dorsey, especially when it comes to bitcoin. Under his watch, Block’s been sproutin’ up all sorts of crypto goodies, like the Cash App, where you can buy, sell, and hold bitcoin like it’s goin’ out of style. 📈 And Dorsey ain’t stoppin’ there, no sir! He’s pourin’ money into all sorts of crypto projects, tryin’ to make those digital coins as common as apple pie. 🍎
Built on the Cosmos Tendermint platform (fancy, right?), SEI uses a Delegated Proof of Stake method to secure records faster than a Mel Brooks punchline. It’s the Usain Bolt of blockchain settlement! 🏃♂️💨
This Alcohol & Drug Testing Service (TADTS) – the name alone suggests a certain level of chaos – had a “cybersecurity incident.” They’re being very euphemistic about it. I imagine the hackers just strolled in, made themselves a cup of coffee, and casually downloaded everyone’s life story. I picture a spreadsheet, really. “Name: Mildred. SSN: You don’t want to know. Favorite Color: Beige.” Riveting stuff.
According to the latest 13F filings—because who doesn’t love a good number crunch?—Dalio’s Bridgewater Associates has decided to belly flop off its stake in the SPDR S&P 500 ETF. You know, just a casual checkmark against the performance of the S&P 500, no biggie. Now, this fund has become about 8.5% of Bridgewater’s overall portfolio thanks to Dalio’s expert timing. Honestly, can we just say “bravo” to this man for making money moves that look like he’s playing 3D chess while the rest of us are doodling on a napkin? 🎩
In a recent missive via X (formerly Twitter, darling), the illustrious blockchain soothsayers at Glassnode have provided us with a rather riveting insight into the Bitcoin shenanigans. They’ve noted that the volume of whale transfers, those hefty fortunes sloshing around, seems to be on the rise, as Bitcoin chastely retreats from its dizzying heights. How quaint! A classic case of “let’s see what else the party has to offer” when the Bitcoin balloon bursts just a tad.
Matt Hamilton, ex-Ripple bigwig turned ASIMOV Protocol guy, decided to play the “what if” game. What if MicroStrategy (now called “Strategy” because rebranding is cool) had gone all-in on XRP instead of Bitcoin? Spoiler alert: They’d be $56.8 billion richer. 😳 But hey, hindsight is 20/20, right? Unless you’re Michael Saylor, then it’s more like 20/blind. 🕶️
