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Ethereum’s MVRV ratio of 1.50 is basically the crypto version of a “calm before the storm” TikTok-except the storm might just be a coffee order gone wrong. Market analysts, ever the drama queens, say this “neutral zone between fear and greed” is just code for “we’re waiting for someone to spill the tea.” Investors are allegedly accumulating positions like they’re hoarding Halloween candy, but let’s be real: crypto patience is thinner than a Layer-2 transaction fee.

In a development that could only be described as triumphant, Zerohash Europe has been granted the MiCA authorization by the Dutch Authority for the Financial Markets (AFM). This means that the company can now officially offer regulated crypto-asset and stablecoin infrastructure services across the European Economic Area. Ah, the sweet smell of compliance!

En une seule journée, la différence entre l’arrivée et le départ des tokens – un flux net, comme le souffle d’un dragon fatigué – a chuté à -81,2 milliards de SHIB. En clair, nos amis tokens quittent la scène plus vite qu’un politicien en campagne, laissant derrière eux une poussière d’espoir. Certains pensent peut-être à la longue vue, d’autres simplement à la sortie de la brocante du marché, en guise de sentiment de long terme – ou alors, ils ont compris que la fête est finie, et il est finalement temps de rentrer à la maison. 😅

The second-largest telecom provider in the UAE, du, has just launched a sparkly new Bitcoin cloud mining service. “Cloud Miner” is the latest thing in the crypto scene, offering a subscription-based model for those who want to mine Bitcoin without buying any of that noisy, power-hungry mining hardware. No mess, no fuss, just pure digital gold rush.

Volatility, that most entertaining of spectacles, has returned to haunt our dear BTC. A sharp fall on Monday morning saw the price tumble from $110,500 to $107,000-a loss of over $3,000, which is either tragic or a mere Tuesday, depending on one’s tolerance for chaos. Yet here we are, witnessing a bounce attempt as if the market itself were performing a quadrille. 🕺

The saga, dear reader, is this: Dogecoin now prances along the fraying hem of an ascending channel, a mere hairbean away from $0.187. Martinez’s chart-a veritable mosaic of hope and dread-promises a moonlit run to $0.33 if the coin hoofbeats courageously toward the midline. But should it falter, the abyss yawns with zero dignity, beckoning the coin to $0.07 like a siren hollering, “Join the melting pot!”

According to the Financial Times, this plan will drop in December as part of a “markets integration package.” Because what Europe really needs is more paperwork during the holiday season. The goal? Fix fragmentation. Which, honestly, might be easier than convincing my family to agree on a Netflix password.

Bitcoin traders, behold the monthly candlestick chart-a masterpiece of confusion, where October’s candle screams, “I can’t decide!” 🎭 The range? A wild swing from $103k to $126k, bigger than the previous three months combined! Yet BTC ends October with a 3.8% slump, like a party that forgot to invite momentum. This is what happens when you throw a “meh” party. 🎉

Now, let’s talk about Bitcoin’s recent antics. It had this “Uptober” party last month, but the guest list forgot to RSVP. Trade tensions between the U.S. and China? That was a bear market BBQ. On October 10th, Bitcoin went from $126K to $103K faster than a hot biscuit at a breakfast table. But lo! The old-timer rebounded, clinging to $110K like a barnacle to a ship.

Well, I say, the ZKsync network’s native ZK token had a bit of a knees-up on Sunday, old bean. It didn’t just rally-it dashed up more than 65% in value, quicker than Jeeves fetching my morning tea. From a humble $0.03, it leapt to a peak of $0.060, all because Vitalik Buterin, the Ethereum wizard, tipped his hat to the network. 🧙♂️💸