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While all the other major altcoins were crying in the red, HYPE decided to be a hero and even managed to wade into positive waters. According to my fancy relative strength chart (which I totally don’t just ignore, promise), HYPE is flexing its muscles and has outperformed the likes of Bitcoin and Ethereum. Talk about making the class project a solo effort! 🙌

The application, filed by the ever-hopeful Cboe BZX Exchange, was essentially asking for a rule change to list and trade shares of this shiny new ETF. But the SEC, in their infinite wisdom (or perhaps just their infinite procrastination), has decided they need more time. Because, you know, reviewing applications is *hard*. 😓📜

LINK tumbled to $24.4, a price so humble it could blush, CoinDesk noted. This is a far cry from its Friday peak of $27-now a memory as fleeting as a crypto bull run in 2018. The descent? A ballet of bearish despair, punctuated by stagnant volume and the haunting whisper of “buy the dip.”

But wait, there’s more! According to their press release, which probably cost more than my house to print, they’ve also got $562 million in cash lying around and 192 Bitcoin tucked under the mattress. All told, this brings their total reserves to $8.82 billion. Clearly, someone over there skipped “How to Be Subtle 101” in business school because this kind of flexing is making goldfish jealous.

In a shocking move that screams, “Let’s try to fix this mess,” ETHZilla’s board has decided to buy back $250 million of its own stock. Yes, you heard that right. A company with 165.4 million shares just slapped a big ol’ buyback plan on the table. Who’s paying for this, you ask? Oh, just the treasure chest of Ether (ETH) they’ve been hoarding. 🏦

Now, sitting on a mountain of 632,457 BTC-worth a mind-boggling $70 billion-Strategy proudly claims it’s only forked out about $46.5 billion over the years. With current prices, they’re grinning to the tune of roughly $23.5 billion in gains. A little profit here, a little profit there. Nothing like turning billions while the rest of us just try not to choke on our coffee! ☕💸

In true philosophical fashion, Stebbing mused about the essence of Dogecoin’s decentralized soul. He likened it to a village meeting where everyone yells their ideas until the best one (hopefully) wins. “Nobody is in control, and everyone is in control,” he declared, probably while sipping tea and pondering life’s deeper mysteries. For him, this chaotic symphony of voices is what keeps Dogecoin alive. Ideas rise or fall based on merit-or perhaps just how loudly they’re shouted into the void.

In what seems to be a miraculous transformation worthy of a stage play, since May, the ambitious HIVE has managed to more than double its daily bitcoin (BTC) output, which now generously ticks past the 8 BTC mark. This delightful increase is courtesy of the speedy rollout of the next-generation Bitmain S21+ Hydro miners at their charmingly-named Yguazú facility in Paraguay. Who knew mining could be so glamorous?

Solana [SOL], it’s back! Guess what? The spotlight is on it now. And no, this is not a drill. DEX trading volumes are up, and that’s a pretty clear sign that Solana’s heating up faster than a pizza oven on a Friday night.

Indeed, these institutions have amassed over $100 billion in crypto assets, with Bitcoin reigning supreme. Yet Bailey, ever the optimist, insists we’ve only scratched the surface of Bitcoin’s potential. Imagine, if you will, a multi-year rally akin to gold’s post-ETF boom-a veritable feast for the bulls, with nary a bear in sight. 🐂🍰