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Apparently, some very serious people at CryptoQuant (ShayanMarkets, bless their heart) have noticed something. Usually, when Bitcoin gets all hyped up, it’s fueled by a lot of people borrowing money to buy more Bitcoin, which is…bold. But now? It’s…chill. Like a Bitcoin spa day. 🧘‍♀️

Now, in the world of high-stakes chess, our cryptic hero has caught the eye of BorisVest — who, like a keen-eyed spectator at the opera, shares that Binance’s data suggests a well-rehearsed pas de deux. While the market seems as lively as a Sunday picnic, behind the curtains, certain players are busy plotting a grand performance.

Ethereum [ETH], that scrappy little brother, is closing out the first month of Q3 with returns nearly 5x those of Bitcoin [BTC]. It’s like watching a jackrabbit outpace a tortoise—except this time, the tortoise had a rocket strapped to its back. 🚀 This performance screams louder than a rooster at dawn, declaring ETH as the high-beta king of the cycle.

According to the latest cryptic scroll from the oracle of on-chain wisdom, Glassnode, we are caught in a melodramatic tug-of-war, where Short-Term Holders (STHs)—those fickle investors who part with their coins in less than 155 days—are the main characters. These are the thrill-seekers, the trend-chasers, the quick-flip fanatics, and their cost basis (a fancy term for what they paid) is the battleground.

According to the wise sages at CryptoQuant, these aquatic giants have been withdrawing a staggering $28 million every single day for the past three months. Apparently, they’re playing a game of hide and seek with their coins, all while pretending to be friendly. Did someone say, “Sustained distribution”? Yep, that’s what the cool kids call dumping, even when prices are tingling with the thrill of a rally.

Garlinghouse didn’t mince words when he laid out the issues with SWIFT’s infrastructure, a system that, let’s face it, is about as modern as a fax machine. He pointed out that SWIFT is slow, expensive, and has a tendency to misplace things—like, say, your money. “SWIFT has a reported error rate of 6%,” he said, quoting a Fortune 50 CFO who found an even more alarming 11% failure rate in their cross-border transactions. Imagine losing one in every ten transactions! 🤦‍♂️

Market whispers from TradingView tell us that on a strange Wednesday, the brave BTC dipped below $117,000, ruthlessly liquidating those brave enough to take long positions, only to be left holding empty bags with a faint smile of irony. Yet, amidst this chaos, Bitcoin’s funding rate—weighted by open interest—clings stubbornly to positive territory, whispering of macroeconomic hopes and the possibility that this dance isn’t over just yet. Ah, the eternal game of hope versus despair! 🎭

Vincent—or Vinnie, as we’ll call him for dramatic effect—had an idea so bold it could’ve made Shakespeare chuckle: a $13 million crypto Ponzi scheme. He promised investors they’d strike gold with AI-powered trading robots (because nothing screams “trust me” like artificial intelligence 🤖). But alas, those bots turned out to be about as real as unicorns riding hoverboards.

What does this mean for our favorite digital diva? A tiny dip might be on the horizon, but nothing dramatic enough to make you cry into your hodl bag. 🐳

Leading the parade of potential chaos is Sui, which decided to grace us with a $167 million token reveal right at the start of the month. With less than a third of its supply out and about, this could cause quite a stir—think of it as a toddler with a sugar rush in a glass shop. Meanwhile, Fasttoken, with its $91 million unlock, might cause a yawn instead—its supply is already basically on the market, so less impact, more “meh”.