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Looks like the institutional crowd is turning their noses up at Bitcoin’s half-hearted tango, because ETH is suddenly the belle of the ball! BlackRock’s fund is now managing more than $10 billion in assets, while total ETH ETF holdings have practically gained a VIP pass, sitting pretty at nearly 4.5% of Ethereum’s market cap. Fidelity’s FETH is in the mix too, but like that quiet friend who always orders the salad. 🥗

Following a brief sojourn below the $116,200 mark, bitcoin ( BTC) embarked upon a spirited ascent, shattering the imaginary ceiling of $120,000 on July 22. This endeavor seemed to reclaim some of its supremacy, engaging in a tug-of-war with the sprightly altcoin contenders.

Alderoty’s latest revelation? A staggering 55% of non-crypto holders confess that researching cryptocurrency feels as overwhelming as deciphering a Shakespearean sonnet while balancing on a unicycle. Truly, the modern age is a marvel of contradictions.

Polkadot’s at $4.45. Up 3% in 24 hours! That’s like getting a 3% raise and pretending you’re rich. Analyst Friedrich claims this could be the start of a “10X rally.” Sure, buddy. Next you’ll tell me crypto bros don’t smell like Doritos.

The wallet’s been playing it cool—slow and steady wins the race, or so they say—strategically scooping up tokens like a squirrel hoarding acorns before winter. This stealth tactic, favored by those institutional bigwigs who love a good game of market chess, suggests they’re slowly setting the stage for a potential breakout. Is it the calm before the storm, or just another crypto cough? Time will tell, but everyone’s eyes are glued to the charts—which lately look more promising than the latest rom-com.

David Schwartz, Ripple’s Chief Technology Officer – a man, one suspects, who views the status quo with the same affection one reserves for a particularly bothersome mosquito – has quite rightly pointed out the obvious. The American Bankers Association, those guardians of the…well, themselves, have requested a freeze on crypto bank licenses. Including, of course, the pesky applications from Ripple and Circle. If these institutions had their way, one imagines, we’d still be bartering with livestock. 🐄

The SEC, that ever-watchful guardian of propriety, initially permitted only cash redemptions for Bitcoin and Ethereum ETFs—how very pedestrian for such modern treasures.

As the Korea Herald amusingly chronicles, the FSS, with an air of gravity befitting a philosopher on a hilltop, whispered to these managers—“Limit thy exposure!” Such fervent counsel added a sprinkle of sarcasm while pointing fingers at admirable but dubious entities like Coinbase and Strategy stocks. 💁‍♂️

It’s positively scandalous! The mere notion of traditional banking giants accepting crypto as collateral is making history, akin to the “Liberty Bell” ringing during a particularly loud party. Forget the clinking of glasses; it’s the sound of crypto being embraced with open arms. 🍾

According to the ever-diligent Seattle US Attorney’s Office, Homeland Security swooped in during December 2024 to confiscate this digital treasure, stolen from a scandalous scheme promising the spoils of oil tank storage — oh, how the promise of riches can make even the most respectable investors forget their manners. But alas, once the money danced into the perpetrators’ pockets, they vanished faster than a soufflé at a fattening party, leaving investors with empty hands and broken dreams.