qfx

Quants: $180K-$325K+, but your bonus depends on whether the market likes you today. 📈📉

Since March 22, these big spenders have been hoovering up BTC like it’s the last box of cereal in the pantry. 225,320 BTC later, and we’re all just waiting for the “I told you so” meme. Historically, this move has been followed by a price bounce. Translation: If whales are buying, maybe the tide is about to turn. Or maybe they’re just really into long-term investments and/or have trust funds. 💸

Yes, dear reader, Bitcoin seems to be flirting with a dreaded double-top pattern-a chart formation so ominous it could make even the most stoic crypto hodler sweat. But wait! Before you sell your Lambo to buy beans, Swissblock whispers sweet nothings about rate cuts and quantitative easing (QE). In 2021, Bitcoin stumbled as the Fed tightened its belt like an overzealous dieter. Now, however, the central bank is loosening up faster than a rubber band on a watermelon. 🍉✂️

This move comes as various corporations increasingly adopt crypto treasuries to diversify their revenue, attract Wall Street attention, and gain exposure to this expanding asset class. 📈💼

Now, settle in and light a cheap cigarette, because this little miracle is being hailed as the first public listing in all human history to pay out its ticker-tape triumph in crypto-pennies. Not bad for a currency that started life as punchlines on Reddit.

In a recent post on X (formerly Twitter-remember when it had a name you could pronounce?), Schwartz quipped that MicroStrategy’s strategy is essentially a high-stakes game of financial Jenga. If Bitcoin falls, so does their tower of leveraged bets. “I don’t think it’s controversial,” he wrote, dripping with understated sarcasm, “that holding MicroStrategy won’t turn out well if Bitcoin trends downward.” Translation: buckle up, folks, because this ride could get bumpy. 🎢

Lo and behold, Robinhood hath flung open its digital gates to SUI, that native coin of the Sui blockchain-a creation of the enigmatic Mysten Labs. One might imagine the token donning a top hat and monocle, so grand is its entrance into the realm of retail traders. 🎩

Chamath-the man, the myth, and quite possibly the next person to try and buy the moon-has his sights set on decentralized finance (DeFi), artificial intelligence (AI), and maybe world peace, too-who knows? It’s all part of that billionaire *to-do* list, right?

Just as Bitcoin slinks back toward $115,000 like a guilty dog returning to its vomit 😭, Saylor doubles down. Because nothing says “financial wisdom” like treating market dips like a clearance rack at T.J. Maxx.

According to Messrs CryptoQuant, our heroine has stepped confidently into 2025 “in a state of institutional bloom”, which sounds positively floral but merely means the funds hold 6.1 million ETH-up 75 % since that dreary April. Such figures are delivered with the enthusiasm of a governess recounting a pupil’s improved posture; pray observe the two-week premium prancing at 6.44 %, a number so giddy it might faint on the spot. Wall Street’s finest (yes, that BlackRock) now parade their ETF reticules in public, scattering confidences like calling cards. One can almost hear the drawing-room chatter: “Have you seen how much ETH BlackRock purchased? Quite the catch, my dear!”