qfx 
Behold, the daily chart (DOGE/USD, Binance) from Jan. 16, where Cantonese Cat doodles an inverse head-and-shoulders pattern like it’s a dating app profile. Left shoulder? December 2023. Head? Late December, slumping near $0.11 like a sad Shih Tzu. Right shoulder? January 2024, wobbling after a brief spike. Basic, but hey, at least you’re trying. 🐾
But wait! There’s a twist! These crypto banks must be more than just whimsical ideas floating in the ether; they are to be joint-stock companies, strutting their stuff under the watchful gaze of the High-Tech Park. Registering in the National Bank’s crypto bank registry is not merely a formality-it’s akin to receiving a golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory, except here, we trade in blockchain delights instead of sweet confections. 🍫🚀
Glassnode’s ledger tells a fisherman’s tale: about 4 million fresh active addresses joined this month, bringing the monthly tally to roughly 8 million. Not a drought of airdrops, mind you, but a genuine doubling of the staying power among the “New” folks.
Senate Banking Committee Chairman Tim Scott, a man who probably still believes in fairies, declared the delay a “tactical move.” Translation: We’re stuck, but we’ll blame it on strategy. Bipartisan negotiations? More like bipartisan negotiations with a side of denial. 🤷♂️
Cathie Wood, the high priestess of investment foresight, has decreed in her latest forecast that Bitcoin shall reign supreme as a diversification tool in the approaching years, according to her firm’s latest oracle-like report. 🧙♀️
South Korea is set to enforce strict restrictions on offshore cryptocurrency apps. Starting January 28, Google Play will require overseas crypto exchanges to register with the Financial Intelligence Unit (FIU) under the Financial Services Commission (FSC). Ah, the thrill of bureaucracy! 🎭
According to the wise folks at SoSoValue, inflows into U.S. spot Bitcoin ETFs fell to a paltry $100.1 million on Thursday, January 15, 2026-only a mere fraction of the whopping $843.6 million seen just the day before. It’s like watching a parade turn into a funeral procession! 🎉➡️⚰️
On a fateful Wednesday, Moynihan, with all the gravitas of a man who’s seen one too many spreadsheets, told investors that the banking industry might soon face a crisis bigger than a forgotten password on tax day. If Congress doesn’t slap a ban on interest-bearing stablecoins, up to $6 trillion-yes, trillion with a “T”-could flee the cozy confines of banks and head for the crypto hills. 🏃💨
Its unique governance and mining structure, a mélange of the old and the new, continue to entice long-term participants, much like a vintage wine that improves with age. The token, it seems, is basking in the glow of sustained accumulation, a financial flirtation that has left it 23% richer in the past 24 hours alone. 🤑
The ECC’s grand exit has sent shockwaves through the decentralized and privacy-tech realms, as if a particularly dramatic opera singer had abruptly left the stage mid-act. By siphoning core engineers from the nonprofit realm, the move has challenged the age-old myth of “decentralized stewardship,” sparking fears that Zcash may be hurtling toward a period of structural decline. 🕵️♂️