qfx The amalgamation will, for the time being, retain the rather pedestrian moniker of KindlyMD, fluttering about the Nasdaq under the ticker NAKA. Nakamoto, meanwhile, will reside within, a sleek, digital parasite hosting within a slightly bewildered organism. It’s a fascinating, if somewhat unsettling, symbiosis.
Enter Cyvers Alerts, the blockchain security watchdogs who sound alarms like nervous grandmothers at a thunderstorm. According to their X post, this “unusual activity” spanned multiple blockchains-including Ethereum, Avalanche, Arbitrum, BASE, Optimism, Mantle, and Polygon-funneling most of the funds into two mysterious addresses. The attackers wasted no time swapping assets, presumably while sipping champagne and laughing maniacally. 😈
Alas, the PPI data insists the Consumer Price Index (CPI) might soon match the temperament of a scorned lover-blazing hot and not at all interested in calming down. This turn of economic melodrama prompted over $1 billion in liquidations across the crypto leveraged market, with long traders taking the most tragic role-$827 million gone, vanishing with all the subtlety of a magician’s debt.
Let’s start with the good news (because why not?). Over the past year, the supply of USD Coin (USDC) soared by a mind-blowing 90%, reaching $61.3 billion. I mean, you might want to sit down before you hear this next bit – revenue, including those charming reserve incomes, jumped a mere 53%, reaching a total of $658 million. Sure, that’s enough money to fill a decent-sized swimming pool… of money. But analysts? They’re not jumping in.
So here’s the tea: On Aug. 12, Kraken dropped the news that it’s now fully operational in every single one of the 30 EEA nations. Why? Because apparently, they got their hands on a Markets in Crypto-Assets Regulation (MiCA) license faster than you can say “Bitcoin.” 🚀 And guess what? This isn’t just some flimsy piece of paper-it’s basically the golden ticket to passporting services across Europe without needing to beg each country for permission. Talk about efficiency!
This colossal purchase includes a fleet of 17,280 ASICs-tiny silicon soldiers in a war for dominance-and no doubt, they are protected from the whims of tariffs that make importing equipment nearly as expensive as the hardware itself. Everyone wants to avoid the American trade tariffs, which are like that uninvited guest who shows up and eats all your snacks-except here, it’s tariffs eating into the profits.
While the grandees of the crypto world, Dogecoin (DOGE) and Shiba Inu (SHIB), have stumbled like drunken philosophers, USELESS dances triumphantly, defying logic and reason! 🕵️♂️
Now, let’s talk numbers. TRX’s on-chain performance is looking more impressive than a magician pulling rabbits out of hats. Data from CryptoQuant reveals that the TRX rally has left long-term holders (those who’ve stuck with it for a year or more) grinning like Cheshire cats, with a mind-blowing +150% gain. Yes, you read that right-+150%. So, for anyone who doubted, it’s clear: patience isn’t just a virtue, it’s a financial strategy. 📈
The actual order: 16,299 Antminer U3S21EXPH units. This magical herd can crunch away at 14.02 exahashes per second! If you can’t picture an exahash: imagine a trillion bananas, all counting Bitcoin instead of potassium. Naturally, the grand bill came to a plump $314 million. You could buy a ridiculous number of chocolate factories for that, but-alas-Bitmain prefers ASICs. TheMinerMag reported this with a straight face, presumably while eating stale biscuits.
