qfx 
So, the Solana-based exchange known as Jupiter has decided to join the party with its very own stablecoin, JupUSD, making its debut in the company of Ethena Labs. Just what we needed, right?
And let’s not forget the token unlocks-because nothing says “trust me” like dropping 1.24 billion tokens in the next year. It’s like a bad reality show: “Who wants to be a billionaire?!” dramatic music But with less drama and more panic selling. 😅
A certain account, Caspersmc, hath cast its bread upon the waters of Polymarket, staking $37,000 upon the fanciful hope that 2026 shall witness the thunder of boots and the clash of ideologies. Should this prophecy manifest, the trader shall be rewarded with a sum sufficient to purchase a small island of their own-assuming no one else invades it first. 🏝️
Here’s the kicker: across six crypto card programs (shoutout to EtherFi, Cypher, and their less-famous but still-trying friends like GnosisPay and Moonwell), spending went from a modest $14.6 million in January 2025 to a whopping $91.3 million by December. That’s a 525% jump, people! Or, as I like to call it, “the Liz Lemon of financial growth”-unexpected but kind of amazing. 📈😂
Ah, but hark! A recent technical analysis, proffered by the astute crypto analyst Javon Marks upon the ever-buzzing social media stage known as X, invites us to ponder direct parallels between Dogecoin’s current stance and the setups that heralded its most audacious rallies in yesteryears.
“If you’re relying on Bitcoin to ‘boom’ to make you rich, you’re playing the stock market in a ball gown at a barn dance,” Jeremie purred. “Bitcoin is for storing what you earn. The win is time plus stacking – or, as I call it, patience and not panicking.”
The hapless Ledger, that beleaguered guardian of cryptocurrency, finds itself once more ensnared in the labyrinth of digital insecurity. A breach, you see, through the fissures of Global-e’s fortress-a tale as old as time, yet somehow still capable of inspiring fresh despair. 🕳️
Mattsby, the old sport, reckons XRP has been rather stout in defending its long-term trend support and is now coiling up like a spring, ready to bound forth. “XRP had a perfect bounce off the 20-month MA,” he trilled, “while the upper and lower bands continue to contract-setting the stage for its next explosive move higher.” Dash it all, he added with a wink, “It’s utterly bonkers how many chaps are bearish right at major high-time-frame support.” 🧐📈
Several altcoins, with their derivatives data as volatile as a Regency ballroom, may soon face the wrath of liquidations. Which among them shall be the most unfortunate? Let us inquire. 🕵️♂️
A Farce for PwC?
