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The researcher proposed zero-knowledge powered virtual machines, a way of verifying data onchain without revealing the content of that data—how very Victorian of them! “A charming approach,” one might say, “if you ignore the fact that it’s 2025.” 🎩

This new little alliance between Bolivia and El Salvador is a perfect example of global chitchat, drip-fed through blockchain, of course. Who knew that international diplomacy could be so electronically saucy? 😉

Now, this SNA, a relic from 1947 when men still wore hats and trusted banks, is getting a facelift. It’s like putting a new saddle on an old mule and calling it a race horse. 🐎 This time, they’re throwing in artificial intelligence, digital services, and crypto assets like Bitcoin ( BTC). The statisticians, bless their hearts, have decided Bitcoin is a “non-produced nonfinancial asset,” which is just a long way of saying it’s worth something, even if it doesn’t plow a field or build a house. 🏠

He warns, with the seriousness of a general issuing a proclamation before the storm, that the United States teeters dangerously close to another Great Depression, a return trip to the dark ages of economic despair. It’s almost poetic—like watching a Titanic full of billionaires hitting an iceberg, just with more zeros on the debt.

According to the eggheads over at Glassnode — those think-tank types who spend their days gazing into the crystal ball of crypto — this unnamed hero of finance dumped roughly 80,000 BTC, likely with a tip of the hat to Galaxy Digital (probably a dodgy uncle of sorts). The market gagged and gasped, dragging the price down to a modest $115,000—no need to get melodramatic—and then, almost as a wink, it settled at a jaunty $119,000. It’s like watching a cat walk over a puddle and then remarking, “Well, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Here’s the dirty secret: Bitcoin might be the same everywhere, but companies sure aren’t. According to LeClair, you basically need to be the Godzilla of balance sheets to survive. Size matters. Liquidity rules everything. “Strategy’s only trading at a measly 1.8x premium, but that’s about $50 billion,” he said, which is another way of saying the rest of you should eat your vegetables and come back when you weigh in at a proper heavyweight. Premiums don’t last forever: as companies shovel in more Bitcoin or prices climb (or, let’s face it, careen off a cliff), those tasty valuations flatten unless you can lure endless amounts of new money. Sound exhausting? That’s because it is.

Launched on the rather dramatic date of July 23, 2024, these Ethereum ETFs didn’t exactly glide into the market like swans. Oh no, they waddled in with a bit of a wobble, experiencing significant outflows, thanks to Grayscale’s Ethereum Trust (ETHE) offloading a whopping $4.3 billion worth of holdings. But fear not, dear readers, ETHE still stands proudly as the second-largest ETF by ether holdings, proving that even after a few stumbles, one can rise again, more fabulous than ever! 💃

Now, the idea of Chainlink [LINK] hitting $100 by 2025 is ambitious, like trying to convince your cat to take a bath. But hey, it’s not entirely out of reach! It’s all about a delicate dance of a booming crypto market, Chainlink’s growing utility, and investor enthusiasm that’s borderline fanatical.

At the moment, ETH is tethered at $3,800—well below its glorious peak by a hefty 24%, a testament to the fleeting nature of worldly riches. Yet, cryptic analyst CoinCare, cloaked in anonymity as if hiding from divine judgment, whispers of subdued funding rates and the fat pockets of whales—those titanic beasts of the market—whispering of an impending surge, as if the heavens themselves conspire to shower Ethereum with blessings. Or perhaps just more chaos.😏

Schwartz, the lead tech officer, made it clear that XRP is still the primary bridge asset in the grand bazaar of cross-border transactions. He believes that as the XRP Ledger gains traction, the utility and value of this altcoin will rise like bread in a warm oven—though one might wonder if it’s sourdough or just plain old white bread.