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Garlinghouse didn’t mince words when he laid out the issues with SWIFT’s infrastructure, a system that, let’s face it, is about as modern as a fax machine. He pointed out that SWIFT is slow, expensive, and has a tendency to misplace things—like, say, your money. “SWIFT has a reported error rate of 6%,” he said, quoting a Fortune 50 CFO who found an even more alarming 11% failure rate in their cross-border transactions. Imagine losing one in every ten transactions! 🤦‍♂️

Market whispers from TradingView tell us that on a strange Wednesday, the brave BTC dipped below $117,000, ruthlessly liquidating those brave enough to take long positions, only to be left holding empty bags with a faint smile of irony. Yet, amidst this chaos, Bitcoin’s funding rate—weighted by open interest—clings stubbornly to positive territory, whispering of macroeconomic hopes and the possibility that this dance isn’t over just yet. Ah, the eternal game of hope versus despair! 🎭

Vincent—or Vinnie, as we’ll call him for dramatic effect—had an idea so bold it could’ve made Shakespeare chuckle: a $13 million crypto Ponzi scheme. He promised investors they’d strike gold with AI-powered trading robots (because nothing screams “trust me” like artificial intelligence 🤖). But alas, those bots turned out to be about as real as unicorns riding hoverboards.

What does this mean for our favorite digital diva? A tiny dip might be on the horizon, but nothing dramatic enough to make you cry into your hodl bag. 🐳

Leading the parade of potential chaos is Sui, which decided to grace us with a $167 million token reveal right at the start of the month. With less than a third of its supply out and about, this could cause quite a stir—think of it as a toddler with a sugar rush in a glass shop. Meanwhile, Fasttoken, with its $91 million unlock, might cause a yawn instead—its supply is already basically on the market, so less impact, more “meh”.

Summary

Not too long ago, our beloved ETH flirted with the $4,000 mark, peaking at $3,941 on July 28 before deciding that maybe $4,000 wasn’t *that* interesting after all. Analysts, however, are calling this little retreat a mere “consolidation” (because apparently, cryptos need spa days too). They believe Ethereum is merely catching its breath before its next grand performance. Curtain up! 🎭

The Ministry of Finance, in its infinite wisdom, hath proclaimed a grand increase in levies upon cryptocurrency transactions. According to Reuters, these draconian measures shall take effect on August 1, 2025. Both domestic and foreign platforms shall feel the whip of this new decree, all in service of a grander strategy: to treat cryptocurrencies not as the untamed commodities they once were, but as the docile sheep of financial assets. 🐑📈

This wasn’t just a random Tuesday; it’s a sign of what we in the biz call a “potential shift” in investor vibes. You know, those little heartbeats that make the DOGE price go all shaky in the middle of an already volatile market. 💸

Meanwhile, the merchants have also deemed fit to add other trinkets—BankrCoin (BNKR) on their Base network and a mysterious Treehouse (TREE)—marked as “Experimental,” which in sober wisdom only means that fools and pioneers alike may suffer or rejoice. After their announcement, the prices gyrated wildly, an echo of mankind’s eternal struggle with the unknown—one day soaring like the eagle, the next plummeting, a feather’s weight away from disaster.