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In a scene reminiscent of a never-ending theatrical performance, the rate of Bitcoin (BTC) has steadfastly maintained its position since yesterday, and perhaps even longer — time has become a curious notion in this market. 🕰️

This phantasmagoria grew legs (flippers?) after ghostly old posts and strange cosmic timings between the projects collided. Speculators, ever hungry for the next scandal, began to whisper of a clandestine corporate gobbling. Because when a penguin waddles, surely he’s hiding a deed of acquisition somewhere in his plump feathers, is he not?

If you think back, out of 13 summers, Bitcoin only managed to end August with a smile (green, folks, not the green with envy) four times. The other nine? A lovely shade of crimson, often with losses that make your blood pressure spike into double digits. Ouch! 🩸📉

Now, this digital treasure chest is flaunting a total of $22.7 million, split between two leveraged positions: XRP and SOL. The XRP long is raking in an unrealized profit of $87,227—kind of like finding coins in the couch. Meanwhile, SOL adds another $9,672 to the mix. But wait, funding costs are already munching through nearly $21,500 of those gains like a kid on Halloween! 🎃🍬

Currently, XRP finds itself lazing around at a leisurely $3.17, nestled snugly in the middle of the range, like a cat with too many lives lounging in a sunbeam. This isn’t just some aimless wander; oh no, my friend, this is a strategic reload, readying for another leap into the fray.

Bitcoin, that magical currency that promised to free us from the clutches of central banks and fiat systems, is now under scrutiny. Scott Melker, a man whose opinions carry as much weight as a dwarf in a bar fight, believes that the recent selloff of over 80,000 BTC by an ancient whale might just be the beginning of the end. Or maybe just a hiccup in the grand scheme of things.

Mr. Hougan observes, with the air of a scientist noting the inevitable entropy of the universe, that halving – the periodic reduction in the creation of new Bitcoins – becomes progressively less thrilling with each iteration. Apparently, cutting the supply in half used to incite something akin to a feeding frenzy. How very vulgar.

With just four days to go before the Federal Reserve shakes its rusty hinge at the next FOMC meeting, the discourse ‘round interest rates is heatin’ up like a sauna in July, drawin’ in the voices of Wall Street hawks and crypto dreamers alike.

Mike Rowe, Dirty Jobs

Apparently, Dragonfly made an early investment in Tornado Cash, which—spoiler alert—isn’t exactly winning any “Good Samaritan” awards these days. Co-founded by Roman Storm (a name so perfectly villainous it sounds like he should be twirling his mustache while tying someone to train tracks), Tornado Cash is under fire for allegedly helping bad actors launder billions in stolen crypto. And now? The feds might slap some charges on Dragonfly too. Because why not? It’s 2023; everyone loves a good witch hunt. 🔍🧙‍♂️