One windy afternoon, as the sun retreated cowardly behind the smog-choked skyscrapers, Bit Digital—a name as full of gravity as a helium balloon—announced with the grandeur of a czar’s edict that their treasury was going full Ether. Goodbye, Bitcoin, our old, slightly rusty friend. Ethereum, they said, will “rewrite the entire financial system”—and perhaps a few operas on the side. 🎩💸
Fuelled with the sort of reckless bravado one expects from someone betting the family dacha on a single hand of faro, Bit Digital poured $172 million (from a public offering, no less!) and the roasted remains of 280 Bitcoin into a fresh mountain of Ether. This they disclosed, with a poker face, on a perfectly ordinary Monday—because why not?
At the thrilling conclusion of the first act (the first quarter), Bit Digital held a noble stash of 24,434 ETH. The second act? A hundred thousand and a few crumbs: 100,603 ETH, to be precise. The stock—BTBT, not to be confused with a telegraph code for “please send rescue”—soared dramatically, up 29%, dragging the whole market cap back above the mythical billion-dollar mark. If that sinks in, have a glass of vodka. Or two. 🚀🍸
For reference, dear audience, only Coinbase sits atop a loftier Ether pile, according to the dubious bards at CoinGecko. The rest of us mere mortals look up with empty wallets and hopeful eyes.
CryptoMoon, always lurking in the cold shadows of regulatory letters, breathlessly reported Bit Digital’s pivot on June 27, but the company’s relentless Ether-grabbing began in 2022. Some say they were staking it. Others suggest they merely misplaced it in the couch cushions.
CEO Sam Tabar, with the serenely delusional optimism typical of someone who has not yet checked his bank app after a night at the casino, claimed Bit Digital is “aligning with Ethereum’s long-term potential, positioning as a focused Ethereum treasury platform” and, in a fit of grandeur, plotting to become “the most preeminent ETH holding company in the world.” Much ambition. So ETH. Very future. 💼✨
Crypto treasury: because stashing cash under your pillow is so last century
Apparently, every capitalist with a spreadsheet now wants crypto in the corporate treasury. Most, sensibly or otherwise, chase after Bitcoin—predictable, dull, wearing the same digital coat since 2009.
Mere months have seen at least 21 bold entities shovel BTC into their corporate cellars (says “industry data,” whatever that is). None less mighty than Strategy (MSTR), which has 597,323 coins silently haunting their balance sheet. We can only hope they remembered the private keys.
Yet, some well-meaning analysts sprinkle their gloomy caution: is this just financial peacocking by companies whose business plans fit on a napkin? Do they understand Bitcoin, or are they just following the next shiny thing down the crypto rabbit hole?
As for all the non-Bitcoin cryptos—there’s a bold new initiative: one brave company, Bloomberg claims, is rustling up $100 million just to hoard Binance’s BNB, apparently inspired by Strategy’s “collect coins like stamps” model. Why not, if there’s champagne left?
Ethereum, by comparison, sits awaiting its serenade by the institutional choir. Activity, so far, resembles the attendance at a poetry reading in a snowstorm. However, whispers indicate the times may be changing: US Ether funds have now seen inflows for—count them, seven!—consecutive weeks. Is it a revolution or just a glitch? Perhaps both. 🧐🚦
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2025-07-07 20:38